


Dear To Me

by sarahstarkiller



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Smokes, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Evil Snoke, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Hux, How Do I Tag, Interrogation, Kylo Ren Being a Little Shit, M/M, Misuse of the Force, Mutual Pining, Past Abuse, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Slow Burn, Snoke abuses Kylo, Starkiller Base has a barroom apparently, THEY BOTH JUST WANT TO BE LOVED BUT THEY'RE SO DUMB AND DON'T KNOW HOW EMOTIONS WORK, That's Not How The Force Works, Warnings May Change, daddy issues is literally playing as I type, idk how to do this tbh, neither does the author
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:02:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahstarkiller/pseuds/sarahstarkiller
Summary: "Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side."





	1. For Kicks

**Author's Note:**

> Hello this is only my second work YAY LET'S GET INTO THEN SHALL WE
> 
> yeah idrk hopefully this'll be fun to read, as it was fun to write 
> 
> and idk what kinda wild turns this will take, I've never been a very good driver 
> 
> oh happy bday Adam btw
> 
> it'll like it'll be okay don't worry

Hux slid the leather glove off his right hand by the middle finger. He placed it on the bar in front of him, and for a moment, it was silent inside his head. But then his lips met the cool glass, the sweet yet bitter taste of whiskey glided over his tongue and he was again aware of the incessant chatter of excited members of the Order, their shouts of delight and drunken laughter piercing his sensitive ears. Music played lowly in the background of the noise, and Hux knew he should be happy.

  
The creation of Starkiller Base had been completed and everyone in the First Order was celebrating. He rather thought that his current situation could be categorized as anything _but_ celebration.

  
While all his crew members and colleagues stood in groups, drinking and laughing and making poor decisions, he sat alone at the bar, preferring to not mix with those that were below him. He found it didn’t demonstrate discipline, acting all friendly with Troopers and such. If they were to think he was someone they could talk to like they were longtime buddies, chaos would ensue. Order and stability would be thrown away almost immediately. He did not desire companionship within the Order and he refused to make it appear as if the opposite were true. Besides, Captain Phasma was close enough an acquaintance that Hux felt satisfied. On the rare occasion he needed to vent about personal issues, Phasma was there and vice versa. Hux briefly wondered where she was within the muddle of crew members occupying the excessively vast barroom of Starkiller Base.

  
He turned in his seat, eyes scanning the room until he picked out her tall figure and short, blonde hair. She was talking to Chief Petty Officer Unamo, a pretty woman with dark hair and cheekbones so prominent even Hux had to admire them. Phasma and Unamo stood closely together against a wall as Phasma leaned downward. When their lips met, Hux looked away as to not be intrusive. He shifted in his seat again as his lips twitched in either a smile or a snarl; it was anyone’s guess. Phasma clearly disagreed with him when it came to the dynamic between superiors and subordinates.

  
He finished his whiskey and ordered another. He had no doubt everyone in the room was too inebriated to notice his presence, so for the time being, he didn’t worry about the lower-ranking members viewing him as an easygoing guy. Just as he took a swig, he saw out of his peripheral vision as someone took a seat next to him. There was no mistaking the curl of Hux’s lips for a smile.

  
“Ren,” he addressed his unwanted company without a glance in his direction. “I didn’t think you would show your face at something like this.”

  
Hux took another drink and faced him. “ _Ah_ …” he said softly.

  
Ren was wearing his helmet, the dim lights casting a strange warm glow over the gear.

  
“I wouldn’t,” Ren responded, voice modified to sound slightly darker, a bit robotic. Hux could almost see the smirk through his helmet. “Didn’t expect someone of your pride and condescension to attend something like this.”

  
Again, Hux’s lips twitched in anger. He swirled the whiskey in his glass before downing the remains, eyes glancing over the crowd once more.

  
“Is that all you came to say?” he said in a dismissive tone that indicated Ren shouldn’t even bother replying.

  
Smart on his behalf, Ren said nothing more. He remained seated for a few beats until he rose slowly, rolled his shoulders back and promptly exited the barroom.

  
Hux kept his eyes fixed on him the whole way, until he was quite a ways away but still visible. He watched as Ren stopped suddenly, letting his posture fall. He watched, intrigued, as Ren stood still, a few stragglers scurrying past him and back to the barroom. Once alone, Ren quickly removed his helmet. Hux watched the dark waves fall. And then he was turning down a corridor, disappearing from Hux’s sight.

  
Hux’s gaze fell to the floor. Without looking, he reached onto the bar for his right glove, but didn’t feel it on his fingertips. He turned to look for it, but was puzzled when his glove didn’t meet his sight. He briefly surveyed the floor for it, but it was nowhere to be found.

  
He huffed a breath as realization dawned on him. He could practically feel Ren laughing at him.


	2. Thief

Hux lingered for perhaps too long. He even ordered another whiskey (he was going to need it).

 

He sat uncomfortably, berating himself for being so anxious. Anxious? What for? Ren had _stolen_ his glove for the sake of a childish prank. Though anyone who knew of Kylo Ren would undoubtedly agree that he was not the jokester type, Hux knew the serious and collected (with the exception of the occasional raging outburst) attitude he regularly assumed was a façade. He was a 7-year-old in a man’s body. Since the first day they met, Kylo Ren had chosen, for some peculiar reason, General Hux as his target for pranks and various jokes, much to Hux's vexation. Hux always tried not to alert Ren of the exasperation his little jokes caused him in front of colleagues. He found Ren’s jokes unprofessional and alarmingly immature, and, privately, he’d let him know exactly that.

 

Dragging bare fingers through his hair somewhat bitterly, Hux took a long, deep breath. He needed a cigarette. He rose, picking his coat up from the back of his seat and draping it over his shoulders. He straightened and walked briskly in the direction Ren had vanished to. During the short walk to his destination, Hux tried not to get too worked up. Once at the entrance to Ren’s quarters, he made a motion to open the door using the keypad, but the door _whooshed_ open untouched. He strode inside, the door shutting behind him.

 

Hux surveyed the room, brows knitted together, squinting slightly. It was very dark inside. A large window on the opposite wall permitted the only light to enter; pale white, illuminating Ren’s bed, his desk and his walls in an ominous glow. The window’s edges were dusted with frost, something about it drawing Hux across the eerie room and toward it. He gazed out at the icy planet and projected his voice. “You know what I’ve come for.”

 

He didn’t know where Ren was hiding within his quarters and he hoped that fact didn’t mean he was going to be difficult. 

 

“Obviously,” Ren’s unaltered voice came from the right of Hux. Hux turned his head. He was leaning against the doorway to the refresher, unmasked and uncloaked. “It took you long enough to come retrieve it.”

 

The annoying smirk Ren paired with his words made Hux roll his eyes and turn back to the window. Ren chuckled softly.

 

“I’m only joking with you,” he assured Hux, moving to stand next to him. 

 

“I believe I told you that your _jokes_ aren’t exactly funny,” Hux scoffed.

 

Ren’s brows rose at the general’s comeback, but he didn’t respond.

 

“So?” Hux coaxed. Ren stared back at him with wide, clueless eyes. Hux huffed out a sound that might be categorized as a laugh. “May I have my glove?”

 

“Oh, right,” Ren strolled to his desk where the article of clothing was sitting. Hux watched him in the reflection of the window. When he was back at his side, offering the glove to him, Hux put out an expectant hand. Ren glared at an amused Hux but placed it in his hand anyway.

 

They remained silent for a long time, the only noise coming from outside Ren’s quarters as crew members continued to celebrate their achievement, along with the howling wind outside. The itching need for a cigarette came crawling back into Hux’s head, chest, and fingertips. He clutched at his coat pockets, bringing out a white and blue package. He slid a cigarette out and lit it as Ren leaned against the window and observed him. As much as Hux despised the man, he felt an odd sense of comfort around him. He usually found that, as bothersome as Ren was, he was at ease when in his presence. It was not something anyone in the galaxy would say about the Lightsaber-wielding creature; no, not just anyone would say it. Only Hux would think it to himself. Hux took a drag, dispelling his thoughts along with the smoke.

 

Hux took another long and relieving drag, exhaling the smoke against the window, watching it fog up before him. With Ren’s eyes still fixed on him, he couldn’t help but ponder the undoubtedly bright future of the First Order. He thought of the plans that would soon take shape, of the peace they would eventually bring to the galaxy and of Leader Snoke’s pride in him. He tried to imagine what it would be like once the pesky Resistance was out of his way. But when he visualized it, all he could see was a dead end.

 

Ren perked up beside him. “Don’t think like that,” he demanded, albeit in a soft tone. 

 

“Don’t read my thoughts,” Hux shot back, letting his irritation seep into his words and taking another drag.

 

He could feel Ren’s eyes still on him for a moment longer until he, too, gazed outside. Hux slowly felt his head become lighter, as if a weight he hadn’t even known was there was lifted. His face glowed when he considered the possibility of Ren seeing all of his previous thoughts.

 

“It’s difficult to resist it. Everything you think about is just,” he made a sweeping motion with his hand, his voice frustrated and tight, “ _there._ You have to guard your thoughts better. If you don’t, it’s just easy for me to slip into them. For _anyone_. Hux,” his voice softened considerably as Hux looked at him, bemused, “if you’re going to think like that, I can’t stop you. But at least be more careful about who you let in. And be thankful it was me and not Snoke.”

 

Hux gave him a stony stare back. He was about to insist that he wasn’t _letting_ him in when he realized Ren’s words held some truth to them, perhaps too much for his comfort, and his gaze fell along with his expression. 

 

“Right,” was all he said in a hardly audible voice. He finished his cigarette. Desperate to change the subject, he spoke. “Why didn’t you attend the celebration?” He slurred slightly, very slightly, but he realized with horror that the whiskey was taking effect on him.

 

Ren shrugged. “I don’t really like parties.”

 

Cursing himself, Hux let out a laugh of disbelief. Ren looked at him, eyes wide with intrigue. His lips slowly curled into a smile.

 

“I’m sorry, I just find it very difficult to believe _you_ don’t like parties.”

 

Ren tilted his head. Hux tried not to stare at the moonlight silhouetting his dark hair. “How come? I mean, what about me tells you that I’m a partier?” he challenged.

 

“I-“

 

“Hm?” Ren pressured, licking his lips.

 

Hux shot him a combative look. “Well, where do I start? Firstly, your reckless attitude. I tell you the plan and you don’t follow it, likely costing us the entire mission. And of course, whenever you get upset, instead of dealing with it like a normal human, you yell and break things. And mostly, you’re just a plain old asshole,” Hux was the one to smirk now. “Common traits in an avid partier.”

 

“I’m afraid your view of me is incredibly warped, General,” Ren said, that dumb smile plastered on his face. “And I don’t follow your plans because I have better ones.”

 

Hux had to laugh at the ludicrous statement. The whiskey made it easier to do so. When he calmed down, Ren was giving him that wide-eyed look again, but he quickly turned away. Hux furrowed his eyebrows in bemusement, still smiling. 

 

“I really don’t like parties,” Ren voiced softly, arms crossed over his broad chest.

 

“Hm.” Hux looked to the spot outside that Ren seemed to be fixated on, unsure of why Ren was sharing this meaningless information with him as if it were a big secret. “Neither do I.”

 

“You like whiskey, though,” Ren pointed out, chuckling.

 

Hux’s face reddened a bit, smirking nonetheless. “And I assume you like your arms attached to your body, so I suggest you fuck off.”

 

Hux’s empty threat only deepened Ren’s gaiety, eyes as happy as his smile would tell. 

 

“Damn, Fire Crotch. That’s cold, even for you.”

 

Suddenly, the whiskey seemed to be catching up to him all too quickly as he nearly fell over in laughter at the inappropriate nickname. Ren laughed lightly and placed his hands on Hux’s back to ensure he wouldn’t tip over. If alcohol weren’t a factor in all this, Hux would’ve been gone the second his glove was returned. Surely he would be gone.

 

“I think it’s time you went to bed,” Ren spoke quietly, annoying smirk playing at his full lips. Hux mentally slapped himself.

 

“I agree. Perhaps your plans _are_ superior,” Hux began walking to the door.

 

Ren used the Force to open the door for him just as he had before. “Goodnight, General Hux.”

 

Hux threw a hand backward, waving carelessly. “Goodnight, Kylo Ren.”

 

Kylo only stared a little bit as Hux sauntered out, hips swaying as if he owned the place like they do whenever he’s been drinking.

 

Hux stopped in his tracks and looked back, an amused leer on his face. “Stop looking at me like that, it’s inappropriate.” And, as if that were not shocking enough, Hux winked, then disappeared.

 

Kylo’s face was warm, jaw slack and mouth hanging open like a fool. He was slow to close the door again.

 

Once inside his own quarters, the general tossed his coat onto the back of his desk chair and tousled his hair. Not even attempting to sort through what had just transpired between himself and Kylo Ren, he reached for another cigarette. To his great and utter dismay, his very last pack was missing from his coat pocket. He rubbed his eyes in both frustration and exhaustion. But he couldn’t help the exasperated smile that crept its way onto his face.

 

Ren could practically feel his laughter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he doesn't like fucking parties, okay??
> 
> the following chapters will probably (hopefully) be better and longer!!


	3. A Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rian liked my tweet life is made
> 
> As the release of The Last Jedi looms closer, I become more and more hysterical ((:
> 
> Proud-ish of this chapter, hope you enjoy!! Your support so far means so much to me, so thank you!!!!

Aboard the Finalizer, General Hux stood on the bridge as tall and straight as his hangover would allow him to.

 

The dreadful Resistance had been suspiciously inactive, at least as far as the First Order could tell. The general was on edge, waiting for the moment one of his subordinates would announce that the Resistance had made a move, any move. He remained stoic as a tip-off concerning the Resistance’s whereabouts would inevitably reach the Order. For now, all he could do was wait. And try not to throw up.

 

Meanwhile, Kylo Ren sat in the deafening silence of his quarters, meditating.

 

He was afraid. Awfully afraid of his own emotions that, as of late, he had not been able to control or predict. Inside his own mind that was suddenly so foreign yet familiar to him, he reached out for something to cling to.

 

But nothing would stick. Nothing he wanted, anyway.

 

All he could feel was light.

 

The Light side spoke to him, it insisted on tearing him away from everything he was, everything he worked for. 

 

Kylo almost let it take him. He almost gave in. The only thing stopping him was the paralyzing fear of Snoke possibly being aware of his thoughts, his emotions.

 

His eyes flew open and he was surprised to find himself panting. Whether in concentration or fear, he did not want to think about it. He quickly put his helmet back on and secured it, the act, he hoped, somehow also securing his loyalty to the First Order. 

 

He stomped out of his quarters, no destination in mind.

 

To think that just last night he told Hux to never again doubt the Order. He despised himself for being such a hypocrite. He briefly wondered what the general would think of him if he were able to read minds. Perhaps the thought managed to crack a smile in Kylo’s worrisome countenance, but the mask he sported would keep anyone from ever knowing. 

 

What a funny man the general was. Kylo thought him rather good at his job; he was bossy and mean enough to get anyone to do whatever he asked of them. Yet, Kylo Ren was not the least bit afraid of him. They held the same amount of authority and, for some inexplicable reason, Kylo found that something was off about the general. He saw no reason to fear him as the troopers and officers did. And thanks to a little research, he knew of Hux’s origins, he knew his story. He was well aware of Armitage’s brutality and commitment to the regime. He knew more about the redheaded general than the latter knew of him, he realized. The revelation was interesting to him. Perhaps Hux was so cold toward him because he hardly knew the man he worked beside, Kylo inferred. He guessed he would be the same way, had he not known Hux’s background. Whether on Kylo Ren's side or not, he was not an easy person to warm up to, he knew that. Even before… _everything_ , he wasn’t a particularly likable person.

 

Maybe they just needed to talk. It would make working together a lot easier if they knew each other a little better. They didn’t have to be friends, and Kylo doubted they ever would be. But even he knew that they couldn’t go on loathing each other. It could even be the downfall of the Order. Their conflicting attitudes could very easily lead to some sort of competition for glory and for Snoke’s approval, which would ultimately get in the way of their true mission.

 

Yes, maybe they just needed to talk.

 

Hux had been so bubbly when he came to retrieve his glove. He was a completely different person and Kylo almost enjoyed his company. He had been so caught up in the fact that Hux was _capable_ of smiling that he mindlessly snatched his cigarettes. He hoped it would lead to another refreshing encounter. With everything he has been pondering, all of his fears and doubts, they all exhausted him and he just craved a moment of sanity. So he did something insane; he sought out General Hux and struck up a conversation with him. He always found great joy in bothering him.

 

His mindless travels from his quarters soon proved to have a destination, after all. He rounded a corner and stood near the bridge, eyes immediately falling upon the ginger in question. He watched as Hux spoke with Unamo, his face twisted into a stressed grimace. Without meaning to, Kylo’s lips twitched at the sight as he reached out to him.

 

Upon reaching Hux’s mind, he saw nothing but a muddle of information of which he was unable to untangle, some of it even involving himself. With an involuntary tilt to his head and closed eyes, Kylo tried to carefully file through some of the mess inside Hux’s head. 

 

Apparently he was not careful enough.

 

“ _Ren_.”

 

Kylo opened his eyes to see the general’s unamused expression right before him.

 

“General,” Kylo addressed him as if the exchange they were about to have would be delightful. “So nice to see you again. I was afraid I might’ve said something to put you off during our little chat last night.”

 

Hux did not entertain him. “I clearly remember telling you to refrain from reading my thoughts.”

 

Kylo was slow to respond. He would have been quicker, had he not been caught up in one strange, awful, _disgusting_ thought; Armitage Hux had sincerely beautiful eyes.

 

“I clearly remember telling you it was hard not to.” Kylo’s tone had softened due to his bewildering revelation.

 

Hux made a disgusted face. “Try harder. And for the record, I highly doubt my thoughts are of any use to you.” He turned and walked back the way he came from.

 

Kylo trailed after him at a safe distance. Deciding to analyze his absurd discovery regarding Hux’s eyes later, his hunger for an escape deepened as he seized his chance to annoy the ginger.

 

“You seem stressed, General,” Kylo noted, peering over Hux’s shoulder at the datapad in his gloved hands. “I’m sure the Supreme Leader would be grateful if I offered to destress his favorite little pet.”

 

Hux visibly tensed at his words and Kylo did his best to not snicker.

 

“I don’t see how _you_ of all people could ever help to destress anyone,” Hux replied sharply, unknowingly adding fuel to Kylo’s fire. “And please, Ren. Don’t pretend it’s _me_ the Supreme Leader fawns over. You’re the one that’s always craving his approval.”

 

Kylo’s eyes narrowed and his smirk grew at the general’s words, glad that he was clearly flustering him. “See what I mean? You’re too uptight. You just need-“

 

Without turning to look him in the eyes, Hux waved a dismissive hand in front of his face, effectively cutting him off. “And you’re too lax. If you don’t get your act together soon, that pitiful Resistance will strike right as you’re too busy pissing everyone off. And as we’re all cleaning up after you, they will make their move, whatever it may be, and the destruction of Starkiller Base as well as the fall of the First Order will be your fault. So, yes, I’m fine with being _‘uptight’_ so long as it doesn’t get me or any of my men and women killed.”

 

Kylo took the slightest step back after listening to Hux’s fiery spiel. Though it was impressive, it did not intimidate Kylo; it egged him on. He drew closer to Hux, almost pressing himself into his back.

 

“Is that how you really feel, or is that the hangover talking?” Kylo sneered. “Because I know the perfect way of curing one of those.”

 

Hux’s cheeks pinked ever so slightly, something Kylo took an enormous amount of pride in. “It’s what I know, Ren.” Hux spoke lowly, finally turning around to regard Kylo. He ignored their proximity. “Don’t you have anything better to do, or is ensuring my early death at the top of your to-do list?” Hux’s attention dropped back down to his datapad.

 

Kylo made a short noise resembling laughter. “You’re certainly on my to-do list.”

 

Hux’s fingers lingered above the pad just a moment too long, a clear indication that he was caught off-guard, Kylo concluded. He watched his lips slowly twist into the beginning of either a smile or a snarl, but he supposed they were the same thing when it came to Hux. 

 

“That’s inappropriate. You shouldn’t say things like that.”

 

This time, there was no denying Kylo’s laughter. To the officers that were nearby, it was terrifying.

 

“Oh, lighten up, General. It’s just a simple joke,” Kylo assured him. Under the protection of his mask, he licked his lips. “You really are uptight. Could be a good thing…I bet your attitude’s not the only thing that’s tight…”

 

Hux immediately looked up from his datapad, cheeks a deeper shade of pink than Kylo had ever seen them. He glowered at Kylo and, without a word, he brushed past him and disappeared.

 

Satisfied with his work, Kylo did not follow him. He did feel the tiniest hint of guilt, but what did he have to be sorry for? No one had heard their exchange, and therefore Hux had no reason to feel embarrassed or whatever it was he felt.

 

-

 

Hux was seething. He was so fucking livid that he would forget to breathe every now and then.

 

After leaving Kylo on the bridge, Hux had gone about his day with a thin mask over his emotions, as he normally did. It was just more difficult to do so today. Ever since their exchange, Hux had been teetering on the edge of sanity, having had thoughts of seeking Ren out and punching him right in the mouth. But he decided that would not be the best look for him. Unlike the daft Kylo Ren, Hux cared about the way he presented himself to Snoke and to his subordinates. 

 

But it was later, much later, and Hux sat in a big, surprisingly comfortable chair by a viewing area on the Finalizer. He was not tired and he was no longer angry.

 

He was experiencing an intense feeling of emptiness. Like he was suddenly hollowed out and his insides were scattered throughout the galaxy.

 

With his legs crossed and his head in his hand, he gazed into the blackness of space, at the nebulae and the stars that broke up the darkness. He played with the thumb of his left glove in order to distract himself from any thought that could possibly come his way. He willed every doubt and every inkling of fear from his mind.

 

He didn’t even hear the pair of boots that strolled across the open area and toward him. He wasn’t aware of any presence until he felt his glove being pulled from his hand. He glanced down and quickly made a fist, preventing it from being pulled away. He looked up, already knowing who it was and not at all happy about it. 

 

Kylo Ren’s unmasked face was not a welcoming sight to Hux. His broad, arrogant smile did nothing but annoy him.

 

As Ren wordlessly took the seat across from him, his legs spread wide, Hux pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Why…why, why, _why_ …”

 

Ren simply chuckled. “Am I really that loathsome, General?”

 

“Yes,” Hux answered without hesitance.

 

Ren smirked but stealthily hid it by turning to gaze out the window. Hux regarded him suspiciously.

 

He hated to admit that seeing his bare face made it harder for Hux to despise him. When he hid behind a mask, it was easy to project his hatred onto him. He was just a soulless creature then. But there was a strangely sweet thing about his face, about his pure face, and Hux wanted to throw himself out the very window he sat near upon having such an absurd thought. He just hoped…

 

“Perhaps I should wear my mask less, if it makes you want to be nice to me.”

 

Hux scoffed. “No matter what you do, I’m never going to be nice to you. You’re just too much of a prick.”

 

Ren’s brows shot upward. “I wasn’t aware of your colorful vocabulary, _Armitage_.”

 

Hux did not have the energy to tell Ren to fuck off. Either that, or he simply didn’t want him to go, but it was probably the former.

 

“You need something,” Ren observed quietly.

 

Hux looked at him, puzzled. “What are you on about?”

 

Ren shifted, elbows on knees. “You need something, desperately. I can tell. It’s eating you up inside and you don’t even know it yet.”

 

Hux’s confusion only grew with Ren’s words, but he figured he had a good idea of what he was alluding to. He took a breath. “Listen-“

 

Before he could continue to scold him, Ren revealed Hux’s pack of cigarettes from underneath his cloak. Hux’s mouth hung open as he eyed his cigarettes. He had almost forgotten about them.

 

Ren reveled upon seeing Hux’s reaction.

 

Hux simply extended his palm outward, wordlessly demanding Ren place it in his hand. He fought back the slightest of smirks when Ren rolled his eyes while rising to his feet.

 

“Your highness,” Ren said, voice oozing sarcasm as he placed the cigarettes in Hux’s hand.

 

“ _Thank you_ ,” Hux said slowly, an enraging smile on his face, Ren noted.

 

Kylo sat back down silently, pulling his chair ever so slightly closer to Hux’s own and placing his elbows on his spread knees, chin in hands. He watched like a mesmerized child as Hux slid a cigarette out of the package and placed it between his full lips, his face soon morphing into a beautiful picture of confusion as his focus shifted back to Kylo.

 

“Um, do you have my-“

 

Kylo shut him up as he quickly presented a lighter, moving forward on the chair to offer the open flame to Hux. Hux hesitantly leaned toward him, letting Kylo light his cigarette for him.

 

“Your highness,” Kylo muttered, quieter this time and with a playful, crooked smile on his lips.

 

Hux caught himself smiling back and he decided he finally fell off the edge of sanity. He took a drag and exhaled, immediately feeling relaxed and comfortable. He was able to let himself spread out on his chair, and whatever emotion this display evoked in Kylo, he promptly stifled it.

 

The silence that fell like a curtain between them was a sweet one; Hux continued to smoke, acutely aware of Ren’s eyes on him. Carefully, he allowed a thought to linger: he liked having Kylo Ren watch him. It was only the second time such a thing had occurred, but Hux was already growing accustomed to having Ren’s ember gaze trained upon him. The event should have unnerved him, the simple thought should have made him hate himself. It did neither. He found an odd sense of comfort under Ren’s scrutiny, one that he had never experienced before. He liked not having to impress him or act a certain way with him.

 

Apparently, Hux was getting better at keeping his thoughts guarded, as Ren’s observant demeanor did not falter and he did not make a single indication that would suggest he had been reading his thoughts. Hux hid a proud smile behind his cigarette at the thought.

 

Ren tilted his head inquisitively and carefully broke their pleasant silence. “What’s so funny?”

 

Hux shook his head slowly, still smiling. “Nothing at all.”

 

“Hm…” Ren bit his lip and finally looked away, out the window to the spot Hux was focused on. He glanced at Hux once more and cleared his throat. “I believe I know why you hate me so much.”

 

Hux’s attention shifted to the younger man before him. He didn’t say anything, prompting Kylo to explain himself. “It’s because you know nothing about me, isn’t it? You just don’t like not knowing who I am, and it makes you angry.”

 

Hux’s eyes narrowed, his tone low but not malicious. “I know _exactly_ who you are, Kylo Ren. And I know who you used to be. I know where you’re from and what you are. Perhaps you’d like to guess again?”

 

Ren’s brows knit together in bemusement. He had been sure he was right. He looked away, not saying another word.

 

The silence only lasted a minute, this time. “Then why?”

 

Hux turned to meet his gaze, and for the briefest moment he had ever experienced, he saw the face of a man, a beautifully, innocently confused man. The moment was gone and forgotten as quick as it came. An evil smile spread across Hux’s visage. “There’s no fun in telling you. You’ll have to keep guessing, I suppose. Thank you for returning my cigarettes.”

 

With that, Hux rose and began to leave the viewing area. But as he was passing him, Kylo grabbed Hux’s wrist, stopping him in his tracks. Ren’s grip was secure but not too tight.

 

Kylo said not a single word. His lips were parted, but no sound escaped them. Hux noticed how bright Kylo’s eyes shone despite their dark color. He took a mental picture of Kylo’s face like this; open, with eerily pretty shadows draped upon it. He observed his long, prominent nose as long as the moment allowed him to. He snapped himself out of whatever trance they were both trapped inside. He gently jerked his hand a bit, and Kylo blinked, letting go of his wrist at once.

 

“Goodnight, Kylo,” the general said quietly before retiring to his quarters, leaving a very confused, very overwhelmed knight alone in the darkness.

 

With a lighter that did not belong to him.


	4. Touch

“Sir, we have received word of Resistance activity on Kotori. It’s a spy.”

 

Hux snapped to attention and was at the officer’s side in a heartbeat. “Who is this information from?”

 

“Bazine Netal. She’s gotten word that the spy has been inquiring about a possible superweapon created by the First Order.”

 

Hux’s face twisted in contempt as he stood beside the officer and read the message on the screen. He’d been craving some sort of action, and now that it was actually happening, his blood rushed through his veins in excitement.

 

“Tell Netal to seek this spy out; seduce them, start a fight, whatever she has to do to get their attention and keep it. Have her send us her exact whereabouts.” He turned to another officer. “Dispatch a squadron to the area the instant Netal responds and bring the spy to Ren.”

 

Unamo spoke up. “Sir, the Supreme Leader is making contact from his ship. You’re needed immediately.”

 

“Very well.”

 

With his hands clasped behind his back, Hux left the bridge to the area on the Finalizer in which he and Kylo Ren met with Supreme Leader Snoke, always via hologram. Hux was inexplicably uneasy. Nervous, even, though he’d die before saying such a thing. He knew why he felt that way but thinking about it made him sick; lately he’s been less than thrilled to do his job. There was a wall between him and his vision of the future. And when he tried to go around it, he found that it never ended. And when he tried to scale it, he discovered that it was too high. And so he was stuck staring at a grey wall, unable to reassure himself that the First Order was going to do what it - what _he_ had always claimed it would.

 

The entire thing was too much to bear. The First Order was all he ever knew, it was the only thing he loved. It provided him with a sense of comfort and stability that he had been a stranger to all his life. Leading was all he was good at, it was his whole purpose. He was well aware that his reasoning for being loyal to the Order was incredibly selfish, and that deepened the hatred for himself that he already possessed. But perhaps the most infuriating part of it all was that he had not the slightest clue as to why he was suddenly feeling all these things.

 

_Emotions_. They were strange and annoying to Hux. He was determined to stifle them if they continued to get in the way of him doing his job.

 

His head was spinning out of control by the time he reached his destination. Snoke’s chambers were almost pitch black, and they had an eery chill about them upon entering. Hux tried to hide the shiver that danced up his spine from the looming figure that materialized above.

 

Hux hung on to the slight hope that Snoke was too concerned with whatever he had to address to pick up on Hux’s current disposition. He looked up and greeted his ruler. “Supreme Leader.”

 

“General Hux. So good to see you.” Snoke’s tone was dripping with annoyance and it made Hux worry. “It’s come to my attention that our greatest warrior has recently been feeling, shall we say, conflicted.”

 

That threw Hux for a loop. He had come here with the expectation that they’d be discussing the final touches to be made on Starkiller Base. 

 

“I’m sorry, Supreme Leader. Is this about Kylo Ren?” Hux knew it was a foolish question, but it was one he couldn’t resist asking. Why the hell would Snoke be discussing anything to do with Ren with him?

 

“Of course it is. As you may know, I know him better than anyone ever has. I see all of his intentions, all of his thoughts, desires, feelings. As of recently, they’re...concerning. Disheartening.” Snoke’s holo showed him sweep a pale and gnarled hand out in front of him. “And at other times,” Snoke hesitated, deliberating on whether he should disclose this information to Hux. “I am unable to get anything from him. I know that he tends to shut me out. I wouldn’t care, if he were someone of a more stable nature. But like I said, I know him. I _made_ him.” His gaze had fallen to the empty spot before him, but it now shifted to Hux so as to gauge his reaction. “And I fear Ren’s allegiance to the Order wavers.”

 

Hux inhaled sharply. He couldn’t help the anxious pit that grew in his gut, stemming from the idea that this was somehow a test. That Snoke was lying in an attempt to catch Hux in a trap. But, if Snoke was being honest, then he wanted to laugh at Ren’s folly. To think that Ren had been the one to tell _him_ he needed to “guard his thoughts.” Pathetic. If Ren really believed he could hide from Snoke, then perhaps he was more of a fool than Hux had originally taken him for.

 

Hux reminded himself that this was about Ren’s loyalty, not his stupidity.

 

Hux cleared his throat and swept his thoughts away, speaking from a place of unsureness in an attempt to save his own ass. “If Kylo Ren must be destroyed, then I-“

 

Horrified, Snoke interrupted him. “Destroyed? What are you thinking, General?”

 

Hux’s upper lip twitched. “Ren is powerful, powerful in ways I don’t thoroughly understand. If his loyalty is questionable, then he may pose as a threat to the First Order.”

 

Hux had the vaguest feeling that he was reciting some sort of script, relaying what his brain told him Snoke wanted to hear. But he ignored the ghost of a thought and focused on the conversation at hand.

 

“Impressive, General. But unnecessary.” Snoke waved a hand dismissively. “I almost forgot. There’s one other thing I’ve gathered from Ren’s thoughts, a thing which I found most intriguing and the very reason you're here.” Snoke leaned forward, his figure even more menacing as his voice darkened. “ _You_.”

 

Hux froze, unable to form a sentence or even breathe. For an inexplicable reason, whatever Snoke’s next words may be terrified the general.

 

“I don’t know either,” Snoke said as if reading Hux’s mind - probably because he had been. “But it seems to me that you’re someone important to him. And I have every intention of using that to my -  _our_ advantage.” Snoke smiled, or at least that’s what his deformed face attempted to do.

 

Hux barely felt the sting at Snoke’s notion of using him like a tool, though he almost wanted to tell the Supreme Leader that he could talk to Ren himself if it concerned him so much. The idea was gone in a flash, and it left Hux feeling dirty and ashamed for imagining telling his superior off.

 

“How do you plan to use me, Supreme Leader?” Hux absolutely hated himself for the way his voice shook. He was no longer looking up at Snoke, instead staring out in front of himself.

 

“It’s very simple. You will become close with Kylo Ren. You will make him trust you, confide in you. And all the while, you will report to me everything he tells you." Snoke’s fingers tapped against his throne as he thought for a brief moment. “Unless, of course, you find no faults in his allignment.”

 

Hux took a moment to comprehend what Snoke was ordering him to do.

 

He despised tattles. And Snoke was asking him to be one. He supposed he could let it go; he could do his duty which was to weed out the impurities of the galaxy and not feel guilty about it. If he had to go against his own opinion, so be it. It would ultimately benefit the First Order.

 

But he kept running into that wall inside his head. It was at the part about Ren that Hux found most troubling. He could accept the tattling, but his spirit would not go further. He tried to push the wall down, but it wouldn’t budge. He tried once again to climb over the wall, but it was still too high. He gave up and grudgingly decided, instead of breaking it down, he should simply veil the wall from Snoke, regardless of how big it was. It seemed to be growing each passing moment.

 

“I will do what you have requested of me, Supreme Leader.” Hux’s own voice sounded distant to him in the too-large chambers.

 

“Very good, General Hux. Very good.” Snoke’s smile was sinister as his holo vanished, leaving Hux completely alone in the freezing darkness.

 

He tried to turn on his heel and exit the chambers at once, but his eyes were still fixed on the emptiness before him, his feet glued to where he stood.

 

Become friends with Kylo Ren and tell Snoke all about it? Try to prove Ren was disloyal while he himself was less than trustworthy?

 

It was at this moment that Armitage Hux felt lost for the second time in his miserable life.

 

He momentarily hated his job. He only ever did when he received word of Ren breaking something or snapping the neck of one of his troopers in a fit of rage. But this time was different.

 

Whether he couldn’t or he wouldn’t do what Snoke had demanded of him, he had no idea. Hux just knew it wasn’t going to happen. He wanted to vomit at the very idea that he may not fulfill Snoke’s demands. He had never disobeyed orders before, but this time, some nagging thing within him insisted he would not do this. It was not that he didn’t want to, nor that he doubted his abilities. Something inside him already knew it was not happening.

 

He did not easily make peace with that fact.

 

But despite knowing he would be unable to fulfill Snoke’s request, Hux was still livid. He was sure his veins were on fire, angry that Kylo Ren was being suspicious but even more so at the fact that he could relate to him in that regard. The mere possibility of Kylo doubting the First Order was enraging. It made sense; judging by where he’d come from, Hux had to guess he never worked for anything he possessed. His parents were considered heroes, but realistically, they were rebel scum. Somehow, they were deeply respected and Kylo Ren had benefited off of that, back before he was the leader of the Knights of Ren. But he rejected his easy life. It would be pleasing, if he had done it in earnest. But Hux knew Ren was only part of the Order to make some sort of statement, to rebel against his own family’s wishes. He was trying to live a child’s dream, but this war was not some fantasy. To Hux, the First Order was everything. It saved his life and it gave him a purpose. Growing up, when he felt alone and unloved, when he was young and needed something to cling to, the Order was there. It promised peace and stability to the galaxy, something Hux had never personally identified with. It was a bit idealistic, but possible. And Hux would stop at nothing to ensure the safety of the future. Of _his_ future.

 

Having finally gathered his thoughts and knowing he’d get no further with them, Hux turned to exit.

 

He passed the threshold with his eyes cast downward, pushing away the voice that reminded him he was still feeling-

 

“Troubled?”

 

Hux’s gaze shot up to meet the speaker even though he automatically knew who it was. He looked to where Kylo Ren’s eyes would be behind that stupid mask. His rage burst into a glaring fire, the flames licking at his insides.

 

“Not at all.” Hux kept his tone flat, a grimace on his pale face, trying to keep his emotions out of this. “Is there something you need? I’m in the middle of something very important right now, if you don’t mind.”

 

Hux watched Ren turn his head toward the door he had just exited. “Strange.”

 

Hux fought the urge to roll his eyes. “What’s strange?” He asked, though he quickly dispelled the question with a dismissive wave of his gloved hand. “I don’t have time for this. If you actually have an important inquiry, which I doubt you will, bring it to Mitaka.” He passed Ren without a glance, heading back to the bridge.

 

Suddenly, Hux felt a phantom grip around his waist which held him in place. His boiling blood immediately froze, his face warming ever so slightly. He twisted his head to see Ren’s curved hand held slightly out in front of himself.

 

“ _Let me go,_ ” Hux spoke lowly through gritted teeth, calling attention to himself being the very last thing he wanted in that moment. 

 

“I said it was _strange_ , General,” Kylo slowly moved in front of Hux, his grip never lessening. His voice was different. It wasn’t the playful tone he usually spoke in when interacting with the general. It was almost cold. “Strange that the Supreme Leader met with you, but not with me.”

 

For a moment, Hux didn’t know what to say. He weirdly couldn’t bring himself to hide his thoughts and lie to Ren, as Snoke would instruct him to do. And the tiniest part of his brain screamed at him. It said to protect Kylo Ren.

 

But it was so very small that it was only a whisper in the traffic of his mind.

 

“I know you’ve figured out why,” Hux spoke quietly, carefully. He still looked to where Ren’s eyes should be. He almost hoped Ren would know what to do, as he had a greater understanding of all these mind games than Hux did.

 

He felt a pressure inside his head, one that was gentle and moved carefully about. He knew what it meant, but staring at Ren’s mask while he searched his mind was discomfiting. He would have preferred to actually see his face in a moment like this one, not the stoic creature that stood inches away from him.

 

Ren stood still and Hux had the vaguest idea to read _his_ thoughts, as there was no way to gauge his emotions while behind the mask. Of course, Hux couldn’t actually do that.

 

“You’re quite correct.” Again, Hux had no idea what Ren was thinking, what he was feeling. His voice was emotionless.

 

Hux became aware of the fact that the grip on his waist was absent. He straightened his posture and smoothed a hand down the front of his uniform.

 

“You didn’t even _try_ to do what Snoke asked of you,” Ren voiced lowly. He sounded amazed despite the gravity of the situation. Hux’s eyes darted away, ashamed and horrified at how easily he gave that information to Ren. “That’s…unlike you, Hux.”

 

The general’s attention snapped back to the knight, expression sour. “I’m _aware_.” Hux watched Ren take the slightest step backward, but he stepped closer and lowered his voice to a near whisper. “I didn’t know what to do when Snoke informed me of his concerns.”

 

“ _You_ didn’t know what to do?” Ren spoke just as quietly, his question sincere. Hux was almost thankful to recognize the feeling in his voice now. “What the hell do you mean? Snoke gave you a clear order. He doesn’t trust me. Why would you not even try to do your duty?”

 

Hux’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t care for your tone, _Ren_. You make me seem like the traitor when _you’re_ the one that’s unable to do his job. Remember when you told me I should _‘guard my thoughts’_? That I shouldn’t have a single doubt? You’re such a hypocrite.”

 

To Hux’s shock, Ren grabbed the front of his uniform and shoved him up against the wall, moving in even closer. The air in Hux's lungs was gone in an instant.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Ren’s voice was dark, yet it was not menacing. “Why would you give up before the job even started?”

 

Hux was breathing deeply as he struggled to keep his temper under control. He told the truth. “Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.”

 

Ren’s grip loosened but he didn’t let him go. Hux felt the slightest shift in the air, the energy. It was so slight that he didn’t even register it in the moment.

 

“But you can do anything.”

 

This made Hux feel strange. He swiftly shrugged the feeling away.

 

Despite the insanity of the day, the madness of the whole situation and the conflicting thoughts Hux had about it all, he smirked and said, “I thought so, too.”

 

He just knew Ren was smiling beneath his mask. But this was no time to joke.

 

Hux took a deep breath as Ren released him but did not move. He chose his words carefully. “Something told me it wouldn’t happen, no matter how hard I may have tried. I just…wouldn’t betray you like that.” He did not look at Ren. “So don’t think I chose to disobey the Supreme Leader. I would never do such a thing. I simply don’t try to carry out plans I know are doomed to fail. It was the first time I've ever experienced something so strange.”

 

Ren was quiet. A pair of Stormtroopers passed them and Ren watched until they were out of sight. He looked back at Hux. “So what do we do?”

 

Hux almost laughed. “ _We_? No, no. After what Snoke told me, I’m not so sure I trust you. I may not be able to bring myself to turn you over, but that doesn’t mean your unreliability will go unchecked.”

 

Ren huffed a laugh. “Unreliability? You really don’t trust me, General? How can you be wary of my doubts in the Order when you have had the very same ones?”

 

Hux studied him - his _mask_ \- for a moment. “No, I don’t trust you all too much. But that’s not why. Your abilities are still confusing to me. I don’t like not knowing what you’re about. I may have told you I know what you are and what you were, which is true, but I don’t fully understand your…your…” Hux searched for the right word.

 

“Religion?” Ren offered with a tilt to his head.

 

“Sure.” To speak openly with Ren was a peculiar concept, but when actually doing so, Hux found it way too easy for his liking. Though, he supposed, they were both breaking some rules of the First Order. And if Snoke caught on-

 

“He won’t,” Ren was quick to stifle that thought. Upon seeing the disapproval on the ginger’s face, in a lower voice, almost sheepishly, he said, “sorry. You know, I could help you understand. You’ll have to be knowledgeable in the ways of the Force if we’re gonna convince Snoke that this conversation never happened, that _neither_ of us have had a single doubt.”

 

Hux took a deep breath. This was all too confusing for him. “I suppose we do need some sort of plan.” Hux was reminded in that moment of the Resistance spy on Kotori. “But I have to get back to work. We’ll meet tonight when my shift is over. Your quarters.”

 

Ren said not a word, just backed up and let Hux pass him.

 

-

 

Kylo studied the spy as he lay unconscious and bound to the chair. He didn’t know what his name was, where he came from, nothing. He didn’t even recognize him from his past life. But Kylo’s job was not to learn about the First Order’s captives. It was to extract information from them.

 

The spy stirred and groaned, attempting to sit up. Kylo watched his face shift from confused to terrified upon remembering that he had been captured.

 

“Some spy you are,” Kylo voiced, the man’s eyes widening as he searched the darkness for the only other occupant. “I assume you don’t want this to last very long, do you?”

 

The man’s mouth moved as if he planned to speak, but no words escaped him.

 

“It would be easier for you if you talked. I’m sure anyone would prefer to do this that way.”

 

Kylo felt how he always felt when interrogating people; cold and distant. This version of himself, he knew, would do anything to get what was needed. He was relentless and didn’t care who had to suffer in order for him to accomplish his goal. Unbeknownst to anyone (save for maybe Snoke, it now seemed), Kylo did not like this version of himself all too much. Whoever this person was scared him, and Kylo feared he might one day grow too powerful, too deeply rooted in what he believed was right. And then this ghost of him that remained would be gone forever.

 

To prevent all of that from happening, Kylo preferred to not to be mentally present during interrogations, battles, all of it. He did what he needed and then never thought about it again. And now he, the simple spectator, watched this intense and evil version of himself as he reached out.

 

The spy’s head flung back against the unforgiving metal of the chair and he groaned again in pain.

 

“This is your last chance,” Kylo warned him, moving from the darkness. He felt a hint of excitement in his stomach at the look of horror in the man’s eyes. “I’m going to get what I need from you, one way or another. You might want to speak up. Why did the Resistance send you to Kotori?”

 

The man heaved a breath when Kylo let go, his hooded eyes dropping to the ground before him. Slowly, he began to shake his head.

 

“Well,” his voice was surprisingly even given his situation. “It was a very important mission. Sent by the general herself. You’ve met her, right?”

 

Kylo, the spectator, turned away at this.

 

“Very important? Shame you’ve failed, then.” Kylo was unamused as he again took hold of the spy’s head. He watched his eyes bulge and his lips tighten as he tried to combat the pain. “What was your mission?”

 

Kylo’s grip seemed to intensify, as the spy let out a small cry of pain. Kylo did not like to wait, and he grew more impatient the longer the spy withheld information. Of course, he could just ravage his mind and kill him afterward, but that would take the fun out of it all.

 

The spy screamed in pain, his brain feeling like it was gonna explode. Kylo watched him concentrate on a spot in the room so as to will away the agony. This only made Kylo push further.

 

“I,” the spy struggled out before whimpering. “I was on Kotori as per General Leia Organa’s orders. That’s all you need to know.” He spit his words out with so much vehemence that Kylo was almost impressed. He would’ve been, if he wasn’t so pissed at his insolence.

 

Kylo squeezed his hand so tightly he thought he heard one of his knuckles pop as he surged into the spy’s mind, extracting every bit of information that was relevant to his cause. The man was screaming now, tears running down his cheeks. Once Kylo had everything he needed, the sobs were quickly cut off with one last grip of his gloved hand. The silence in the room that followed was heavy.

 

He had been sent to Kotori because the Resistance had caught wind of the Order’s recent dealings. They heard some of the things the First Order now possessed for the construction of Starkiller Base and so they sent a spy in hopes of gathering more information on the possible superweapon. There were names involved, names that Kylo didn’t recognize. He pieced it together like a puzzle and made sure to inform General Hux as soon as possible.

 

It wasn’t until the thought of the general that Kylo realized he had already left the room, reported to the general and was headed for his quarters. He had not been present for any of it, instead letting the other man do all of it for him. He was slightly horrified at this, the idea that the other man had taken control for that long. But he pushed those fears aside because it was easier to live in ignorance.

 

He was slowly feeling like himself again, and he almost chuckled at what he just _knew_ Hux would say to him when they met later. _“Prisoners are of no use to me when they’re dead, Ren,”_ or, _“what’s a dead body going to tell us?”_

 

With a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, he entered his quarters and removed his mask, breathing in deeply and slowly exhaling. He took his boots off, stretched and moved to his floor length window. He watched the stars for a moment and looked to the snowy planet before him, a small thought blossoming; did Hoth look anything like Starkiller Base? When his father had been there, when he told the story of how he saved Uncle Luke?

 

He inhaled sharply, tearing the thought to shreds and sitting cross-legged on a round seat he used for meditation. With one last look at the superweapon, he let his eyes shut.

 

-

 

Kylo had to imagine it was hours later when his eyes opened again, this time to see Hux’s reflection in the window along with his own. Hux was studying Kylo in the window, an unspoken question in his expression.

 

Kylo was horrified and excited and confused at his own smile that spread across his face, a weird kind of warmth blooming in his gut. “Hi,” he greeted softly.

 

Hux’s expression shifted, it softened a bit, though the question was still there. “Hello, Ren. I’m sorry I interrupted you.” He was looking at Kylo instead of his reflection now.

 

Kylo turned his head to look at him. “You didn’t interrupt me. I probably would’ve never come out of it if you hadn’t shown up,” Kylo spoke without consulting with his brain first.

 

Hux’s brows knitted together, his eyes darting everywhere but into Kylo’s. Kylo knew he had questions, ones that he wouldn’t ask. 

 

“Something the matter?” Kylo prompted, trying not to laugh at Hux’s stubbornness, his refusal to appear at all interested in Kylo.

 

Hux looked back at Kylo now. “Yes, what the _hell_ were you doing? Sitting here in complete silence, I mean. I didn’t even know you were capable of being quiet,” Hux crossed his arms across his chest. Kylo noted the fact that he wasn’t wearing his gloves.

 

“I was meditating,” Kylo said, spinning on his chair to face him completely. He looked up at Hux’s snarky expression. “Centering myself, connecting with something bigger than myself.”

 

“With…with the Force?” Hux asked uncertainly. 

 

Kylo nodded. “You’ve never meditated, General?” He grinned wickedly. “That’s a dumb question. Clearly you haven’t.”

 

Hux gave him a stern look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

Kylo tried to keep his face straight, but a small chuckle betrayed him. “Well, like I said, you’re so fucking uptight. You wouldn’t be like this if you meditated once in a while.”

 

Hux’s upper lip twitched in annoyance. “Don’t.”

 

Kylo stood, meeting Hux’s gaze. The general was breathing deeply, Kylo noted, probably trying not to lash out at him. Impressive. Kylo didn’t have the kind of self control that Hux did. He let the moment pass in silence, enjoying leaving Hux pissed off for a little while longer.

 

“I have something for you,” Kylo announced, moving past Hux and toward his desk. 

 

It was too dark to see what Kylo had in his hands, Hux realized. “I’m not sure I want it.”

 

Kylo stopped before him and held up Hux’s lighter. He watched the ginger’s eyes widen. “You sure?” He chuckled. “I’ll keep it, then.”

 

“No, I-“ Hux actually smiled now, gingerly taking the lighter from Kylo. “I thought I lost it. Thank you.” He turned the lighter in his hands, the light from the window glinting off the silver object.

 

Kylo simply nodded in response. Hux turned toward the window, pulling his cigarettes from his coat and lighting one between his lips. Kylo watched his face in the window as it was illuminated by the flame and didn’t look away as he took a chair and moved it behind Hux.

 

Kylo looked at Hux’s greatcoat, biting his lip in contemplation. He reached out and placed his hands on the general’s shoulders, making him flinch a little. “Here,” Kylo spoke quietly, tugging gently on the dark fabric and allowing Hux to shrug it off, his face telling Kylo that he was unsure and confused by this gesture. Kylo, vaguely interested in how heavy the coat was, placed it on the back of Hux’s seat then again sat with his legs crossed, inviting Hux to do the same.

 

Hux sat down carefully, resting his ankle on his knee. He took a drag on his cigarette, letting the smoke fall right out of his mouth. He glanced at Kylo. “What was so riveting that you didn’t even notice I was in here? When you were meditating…”

 

Kylo blinked, having not yet reflected on that. He was almost amused to find that he had spent hours in the Light, hidden from Snoke’s view, out of reach. Hours of freedom and serenity.

 

“Oh, not much,” Kylo replied, knowing telling Hux the truth would not help his case. He looked out the window, his fingers fidgeting.

 

“Kylo.” Hux said his name like he was answering a question. “Look at me.”

 

Kylo turned and met Hux’s gaze, angry at how quickly he became intrigued by the bright green of his eyes.

 

Hux took a drag and let the smoke escape him with his words, spoken carefully. Kylo watched, rapt, as the grey smoke curled around his pink mouth. “You told me that I would have to do what you’re able to do. To keep Snoke off our tracks. What did you…how am I supposed to do that?”

 

Kylo perked up a bit, tearing his eyes from Hux’s lips and instead looking him in the eye. “I’ll teach you how.”

 

Hux made a face that told Kylo he doubted him. “I’m serious,” Kylo assured him, but he didn’t look any more convinced. “ _Hux_.”

 

Hux was chuckling behind his cigarette now. “ _Okay_. But I just had this terrible thought of you getting frustrated, trying to teach me about your religion and throwing things all around the room,” Hux actually laughed and it was both unsettling and mesmerizing to Kylo.

 

“I won’t be like that,” Kylo promised sheepishly, his face flushing because he knew he was too impatient, too emotional. “Here.”

 

Kylo shifted his position so his feet were on the floor, bringing his seat closer to Hux’s. Hux’s eyes widened in surprise when Kylo reached under him and tugged his chair closer across the smooth floor. Hux felt something swirl inside him upon noticing how easily Kylo had pulled his weight, but it fell to the floor like the snow falls on Starkiller Base.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Hux spoke softly because he felt the situation called for it. He, too, put his feet flat against the floor.

 

“It’s your first lesson,” Kylo explained, ignoring Hux’s dubious look. “Close your eyes.” Hux seemed hesitant, maybe even suspicious. Kylo rolled his eyes. “Oh, yeah, you don’t trust me,” he mocked. “Well, you can trust that anything I could do to you isn’t even half as bad as what Snoke would do to the both of us.”

 

That did its trick as Hux shut his eyes, sticking his cigarette between his full lips, letting it hang loosely with thin trails of smoke wafting up and gliding lazily past the sharp lines of his face. Kylo watched it roll by.

 

“And?” Hux broke the small silence that was beginning to build up, slipping words past his cigarette. “Now what?”

 

“Oh,” Kylo said quietly, to himself, shaking his head and clearing his thoughts. “Right. Clear your mind, don’t think about a thing. Just let yourself _be_.”

 

He watched, but he could tell by the crease between the general’s brows that he was struggling to do as Kylo instructed.

 

After a minute, Hux hummed, a low sound in his throat that intrigued Kylo. “I don’t think it’s working. What’s supposed to happen, exactly?”

 

Kylo smiled and Hux could hear it in his voice. “It’s not going to happen immediately. Be patient.”

 

Hux snorted. “Oh, that’s rich.”

 

“ _Focus_.”

 

Hux sighed in frustration and opened his eyes. “It’s hard to when I can feel you staring at me.” He pulled his cigarette from his lips and took a drag, blowing the smoke out in a cloud of irritation.

 

“I’m not staring at you, I’m _looking_ at you!” Kylo insisted. He took a deep breath, knowing that getting annoyed wouldn’t be helpful at all. “Let’s try something else.”

 

He pulled Hux even closer to him so that their knees nearly touched. Tentatively, Kylo reached out and gently placed his thumb between Hux’s brows. Hux, not used to most forms of physical contact, flinched a little, but he didn’t protest. “It’s alright. Trust me,” Kylo spoke softly, smiling crookedly. He placed his other fingers against Hux’s temple and instructed him to shut his eyes, to which he obeyed. Kylo tugged his hand away from his mouth, again letting the cigarette hang there as he laid Hux’s hand flat against his knee, his slender fingers reaching to just touch Kylo’s knee that was a mere breath away. Kylo was slightly surprised and invigorated at his unwavering compliance when he laid his own free hand atop Hux’s, wrapping it in his warmth. He shut his eyes as well and created a picture, a picture which Hux unknowingly offered and reached out to Hux’s mind so as to share it with him.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“Mmhm,” Hux sounded peaceful and content, and Kylo felt a twisting sensation in his gut. “What am I ready for?”

 

Kylo smiled and opened his eyes, pushing the image to him and watching the ginger’s expression change rapidly from shock as he dug his nails into Kylo’s knee, to confusion as Kylo felt his eyebrows come together to which he gently pressed his thumb to ease it away, and then to something resembling joy.

 

“You see it?” Kylo asked quietly.

 

“Yes,” Hux answered as though he didn’t believe it. “Is that…is it Starkiller?”

 

“It is.”

 

Hux’s lips curled into a small smile as he watched the snow fall. The sun’s light was gleaming on the white surface. Everything was immaculate and untouched and undisturbed. Hux felt the snowflakes as they melted upon landing on his cheeks.

 

Kylo tilted his head, enraptured as he observed Hux silently absorbing the vision. He felt Hux carefully spread his fingers out and turn his palm upward, still resting it between their knees. Kylo swallowed a lump in his throat, seeing Hux watch the snow fall into his hand. He slowly pulled his hand away from his head, not wanting to disturb the image; it was Hux’s now.

 

There was a gust of wind, making Hux shiver and grip Kylo’s knee with his other hand and the image faded promptly.

 

He opened his eyes, a smile still playing at his lips. “How did you do that?” He stealthily retracted his hands from Kylo’s knees.

 

Kylo’s mouth hung open at the sight of Hux’s green eyes, bright with excitement and glittering in curiosity. “I didn’t do it alone. You gave me the image.”

 

Hux looked skeptical, but he nodded in acceptance. “Oh.”

 

They sat in silence for a while longer, the solitude similar to Starkiller’s. Hux was looking out the window, Kylo was looking at him. Curious, he eased into Hux’s mind, finding that Hux was a flurry of thoughts and feelings so tangled they reminded Kylo of his own.

 

“ _Ren_ ,” Hux warned though his tone was not scolding.

 

Kylo was proud that Hux picked up on his sly intrusion. Hux’s lips quirked upward slightly and he looked at Kylo, leading him to believe that the general now knew what he was thinking. Kylo’s face flushed and he swiftly closed his mind off, watching Hux’s expression even.

 

Kylo stood and offered his hand to Hux, though he had not the slightest idea as to why. Hux didn’t question it, though, carefully taking Kylo’s hand and rising.

 

Kylo felt another strange, foreign buzz inside him at the realization that if either of them simply breathed too deeply, their chests would touch because they were so close. He released Hux’s smaller hand and released his hold on that thought, moving past him and taking his greatcoat from the chair. He timidly draped it over the older man’s shoulders, letting him reach behind himself to adjust it. Their fingers brushed and Kylo tried (and failed) to disregard the excitement he felt. When he awkwardly apologized for the contact, his eyes cast downward, Hux gripped his hand and turned to face Kylo before he could pull it away.

 

“Same time tomorrow?” Hux’s face had an ease about it now that Kylo had never seen before that night. “Or will you be too busy sitting alone in complete silence?”

 

Kylo laughed, a pure laugh he hadn’t heard escape him in a long time. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

Hux looked at him for a moment, and then let go of his hand and left to his own quarters.

 

Kylo didn’t go to sleep, instead choosing to meditate some more. The scent of Hux’s cigarette still hung in the air.

 

After showering, Hux laid awake in bed, his middle finger mindlessly resting between his brows in the same spot Kylo’s thumb had been. He let his ring finger fall to touch his parted lips and trembled the tiniest bit as if again seeing the image of Starkiller. He fell asleep just like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHOA I WASN'T EVEN EXPECTING THIS TO GO THE WAY IT WENT AND I WROTE THE DAMN THING
> 
> i hope you enjoy this chapter!! my tumblr is sarahstarkiller in case you wanna send me hate mail (:


	5. What Can I Do for You?

By the time Hux was meant to meet with Snoke regarding the Kylo Ren predicament, the general was wringing his hands in nerves.

 

He doubted he could hide all of it from Snoke. Ren couldn’t even do that (most of the time), and he had been trained in the Force his whole life. It was unnerving to Hux that the Supreme Leader could just pluck the thoughts from his head as if they were weeds, ruining his perfect little garden. Although Hux had gotten a little taste of what the Force actually was, he knew Snoke didn’t use it in as pure a way as Ren had with him hours ago. He had gotten a taste, and though he was repelled by the thought, he craved just a little bit more. He wanted to know everything there was to know of such a thing. Where it came from, whether everyone was able to use it, how could he feel something he couldn’t see? When Ren had first proposed the idea that he’d teach him how to find it within himself, Hux was amused. He believed the Force to be some joke, something only cowards looked to for hope because they were too weak for reality. After all, Hux was a practical man, and if he couldn’t see something, obviously it wasn’t real. But he had seen the image, he had felt Ren reading his thoughts on multiple occasions, and while in his quarters, Hux had even been able to read some of Ren’s thoughts. They were blurry and Hux couldn’t make them out exactly, but he got the gist of them.

 

It certainly didn’t prove anything to Hux, but it drew him in. Maybe because he was eager to learn or maybe because he was able to relax even just a little bit. Either way, Hux would try to take his “training” with Ren a little more seriously. But that did not mean he had any intention of being the man’s _friend_.

 

As he stood in the silence and waited for his meeting with Snoke, he felt some kind of phantom pressure in the back of his head, different from anything he had felt before. It was almost like just that part of his brain was swimming. Bewildered, he glanced around but saw nothing out of the ordinary on the bridge. He stared out in front of himself as the dizzying pressure remained. It showed no signs of leaving any time soon, so Hux decided to call it forth.

 

_‘He’s gonna know if you keep worrying so much.’_

 

It was Ren.

 

Again, Hux looked around, but the cloaked figure was nowhere to be seen. Hux wasn’t familiar with whatever Ren was doing, having only vaguely heard of this sort of thing while in the Academy. Young cadets would whisper excitedly about the Jedi, about what fantastic abilities they possessed and the kinds of things they could move with just their minds. But those conversations were either had in the quiet of their bunks just before they fell asleep or immediately dismissed when in the presence of their superiors. Armitage had never partaken in those discussions (he figured stories of the Jedi and other Force users were likely romanticized anyway) both because it was against the rules to talk of such things, and because he did not have anyone to talk with. But he did have the slightest recollection of hearing one of his comrades insisting that the Jedi could communicate telepathically, and Hux assumed that that was what Ren was doing.

 

Hux, of course, had no idea how to do that. So he just continued to stand in utter silence.

 

_‘It’s not terribly hard. Just clear your mind and think of an image, any image. He won’t know. You can do it.’_

 

Hux rolled his eyes. If it really wasn’t that hard, they wouldn’t even be in this situation. But, Hux admitted, it probably was not often that Kylo Ren offered words of encouragement. So he took it for what it was and he was what one might call _appreciative_. When his datapad indicated that it was now time to see the Supreme Leader, the general pretended he was untouchable and imagined an impenetrable wall. If Snoke wanted to see inside his mind, he’d run right into it.

 

He strode into the cool chambers, face set in his usual determination. Snoke’s hologram appeared above him.

 

“General Hux,” was his typical tasteless greeting. “I do hope you have only positive things to report.”

 

Hux smiled, his competitive, snakelike grin. “Then you’ll be happy to hear that Starkiller has nearly reached completion, Supreme Leader.” For that, Hux was truly pleased. “Only a few touchups to be made remain.”

 

Snoke stroked his chin, contemplating. He nodded slowly, not looking at Hux. “Good. Anything else?”

 

“The Resistance is becoming weaker with each passing moment. They’ve attempted to create alliances with several neutral worlds and have failed miserably. Some of these disagreements resulted in battles in which they suffered many losses. They will soon be no concern of ours.” Hux smiled, a fleeting feeling of pride in the Order passing through his body.

 

Snoke made a satisfied noise. “Well done, General. Exceptional work.”

 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” Hux squeezed his hands as they stayed clasped behind his back. “Is that all you require of me?”

 

The Supreme Leader’s gaze shot down to Hux. “And what of our little friend? Am I to believe Kylo Ren is still what this regime needs?”

 

Hux could’ve sworn Snoke was hiding a smirk as if he knew the general was about to lie to him. But that thought was instantly put to rest when Hux felt the faintest pressure attempt to work itself into his head. He met Snoke’s eyes and hoped he didn’t notice the way he narrowed his own before he shut the Supreme Leader out, completely. The pressure stayed for a moment longer, just touching his forehead like a finger literally trying to gently pry into his skull. Then it was gone like dust in the wind.

 

“You’ll be pleased to know that in my time spent with him, I have found no faults in Lord Ren’s heart.” Hux lied, he lied straight through his teeth as he had so many times before, yet never to someone as capable of destroying him as Snoke. “I understand if you require me to keep up my investigation.”

 

Again, Snoke stroked his chin, breaking his gaze away from Hux’s cold stare. He looked back and rested his arm on his throne. “Mm, yes. Excellent.” It was the same sort of praise Hux had received from him earlier but it had a different air about it. He didn’t let that bother him. “I would like it if you continued to see to this most dire situation. His heart may have no faults as you say it doesn’t, but they’re easily made. Strange phenomenons often work their way between a warrior’s heart and mind. Keep an eye on Kylo Ren. I fear his heart is too much for me to handle.”

 

Hux was shocked to witness Snoke in this moment of vulnerability. Openly admitting his weaknesses? It felt almost like a trap, though Hux could only really focus on Snoke’s actual words and not what speaking them meant. He wanted desperately to know why Snoke thought him best fit for this particular “job.” Why not another Knight of Ren? Someone who was both close to Ren and properly trained in the Force?

 

Hux didn’t think this was the right time to dwell on all those questions. “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

 

And then the enormous hologram disappeared.

 

Hux didn’t linger. He walked briskly from Snoke’s chambers back to the bridge, pride in having successfully shut Snoke out swelling inside his chest.

 

-

 

Whether in silent celebration of his small accomplishment or simply because he needed it, Hux later found himself sitting and enjoying a drink with Captain Phasma.

 

If Armitage Hux could call anyone a friend, he would call the most stone cold and brutal of the stormtroopers just that. The same could be said for the tall, blonde woman, though Hux always assumed Phasma was friendly with everyone on the same side as her.

 

“…much more versatile beneath the sheets than I’d imagined, I’ll be honest. Why are you laughing?” Phasma wore her chrome armor, her helmet sitting on the table beside her seat. She took a swig of her drink.

 

Hux looked into his own glass, a bemused, sort of entertained look on his face. “I just can’t believe you imagine those things about the people we work with.”

 

Hux knew he sounded like a prude, and he _was_ , at least a little bit. He wasn’t shocked to find out people and creatures had sex; he was not a child. But he was, for lack of a better word, shy when it came to his own dealings in that sphere. He had never been able to kill that part of him. The almost childlike ignorance when it came to interacting amicably with others, forming bonds, forging relationships. It was Hux’s greatest insecurity as an adult. He blamed his father for that, for his inability to see those around him as living things and not machines or puzzle pieces. He had been taught that caring about someone, about anyone, would do him no good in his career, and that was true. He had to work well with others and be able to appeal to people in order to form alliances. He could communicate when discussing strategies, but communicating anything else was useless. Any other type of interaction wasn’t needed from him, and for a very long time, Hux had no problem with letting things be.

 

But now, _letting things be_ didn’t sit well with him. When he should be most satisfied, when he should be proud of his work and of his position in the First Order, he longed for something he didn’t know how to get. Though, he still clung to that blip in his personality because it was familiar. He didn’t know what letting go of it would mean.

 

Phasma rolled her eyes, feigning exasperation. “Oh, Armitage. Of course I don’t imagine what _everyone_ would be like in bed.” She shot him a devilish grin and he was very afraid of what it meant. “You can’t say you’re innocent when it comes to this, by the way.”

 

Hux scoffed. “Yes I can, because that was once, when I was drunk and you asked!”

 

“You didn’t have to answer.”

 

“It would have been rude not to.”

 

“Mmhm, like you’re concerned about not coming off as rude.” Phasma’s laugh boomed throughout the empty barroom, and Hux tried to glare at her but her laugh was too contagious. “And you’re right. You were drunk, and so was I. I kind of forget what our conversation was even about. Can you remind me?”

 

Hux knew by the look on her face that she remembered perfectly, but he decided to amuse her anyway. “Sure. You had been rambling about Unamo and that stormtrooper, TN-3465.”

 

With her chin in her hand, Phasma looked past Hux dreamily. “Ah, yes. Tienne.”

 

Hux chuckled, though the rest of the discussion wasn’t as fun to talk about. “And you asked me if I had ever-“ Hux briefly scanned the room before lowering his voice, “-if I had ever had sex with anyone in the First Order and when I said ‘no,’ you were so shocked that you spilled your drink all over the table.”

 

Phasma smacked the arm of her chair. “Yes! Because I thought a man with a taste such as yourself would be all over someone like, I don’t know, Rivas!” She shook her head in disbelief.

 

Hux urged himself to not actually gag at the thought. “ _Rivas?_ Really, Phas? You’ve not a clue of my taste.” He shook his head and moved on. “Anyways, then you got to asking me what I thought each man in the Order would be like in bed and I answered honestly. Thanisson would be submissive and noisy, Mitaka would be…well, he would be Mitaka, Rivas would be a nightmare and that’s putting it nicely, and so on.”

 

Phasma had her head thrown back as she wheezed. “Oh my _stars_ ,” she gasped, wiping a tear from her cheek. “I love it because it’s so true. But, Armitage, who else did I ask you about?” Phasma grinned knowingly.

 

Hux’s throat froze momentarily, but he managed to gulp down the mouthful of whiskey. He shrugged nonchalantly. “If I’m not mistaken, you also made sure to ask me what I thought Kylo Ren would be like in bed.”

 

Phasma squinted at him, still grinning. “You’re quite right, I think. And what was your answer?” She loved this, loved poking fun at Hux good-naturedly. But, while on duty, she wouldn’t dare be so challenging, and even in sociable settings, she would not tolerate anyone speaking ill of her general and friend.

 

Hux huffed a breath, hating this subject yet smiling through it because alcohol was strange like that. “I said that, despite his awful personality and disorderly outfit, he’d probably be perfect.” Hux felt his face go hot as his smile went wobbly.

 

Phasma was nodding slowly. “Yes, you were crushing very hard when he first joined the Order.” She shot him a look, eyes full of that familiar desire to see him get all worked up.

 

Hux almost laughed. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I did not have a _crush_ on Kylo Ren. I told you my honest opinion on the subject and now you won’t let me live.” Hux tried to glare at Phasma when he noticed her doubled over in silent laughter.

 

“Oh, you don’t have to pretend with me,” she assured him, wiping more tears away. “I know how attracted you are to him.”

 

Hux spit his drink back into his glass. “I am not attracted to him at all. Did I find him handsome the first time I saw his face? Yes. But then he opened his mouth and ruined it.”

 

Phasma giggled incessantly, slumping in her chair.

 

It was true that the general had the tiniest bit of interest in the mysterious man when the pair had first met. Of course, that intrigue only sprouted when Ren had accidentally revealed his face to Hux while he was leaving Snoke’s chambers. They passed each other and the general hardly realized who it was before his mask was back on and he was gone. Hux had only caught a glimpse of him at first, but it was enough; there was something fascinating about his inherently woeful visage. The way his dark eyes didn’t glance but rather gazed. He had full lips that seemed to be stuck in a permanent pout, and his nose crooked just a bit, inimitably so. And, of course, his dark waves of hair had a shine about them that Hux quite liked. He also had freckles here and there, two prominent spots above an eyebrow and two more near his nose. Hux suspected he had more but wasn’t able to confirm it until the next time he saw him unmasked. And gods help a man like Hux when he first heard Kylo Ren’s voice, unaltered by a vocoder. It was embarrassing to think about it, but he vividly remembered when Ren addressed him, unmasked. Hux somehow felt the rumble of his deep voice inside himself and he had to ask Ren to repeat whatever he had said because he didn’t catch a word of it.

 

While Phasma lost control over her laughter and tried to crack more jokes, Hux simply rolled his eyes and felt his cheeks burn as he reminisced.

 

He remembered all too clearly that night, not long after Ren had been introduced to Hux. Hux was bothered by having a co-commander but tried not to show it. As expected, he failed and Ren was automatically put off by the older man’s obvious contempt for him. When more than half the ship was asleep, Hux had been trying to get some work done, strolling through every corridor with his datapad in hand, absorbed in it. While he passed the area where Captain Phasma trained her troopers, he noticed the sound of someone grunting. Confused, he moved toward the room, expecting to see a Stormtrooper getting in extra hours. But instead he found it was Kylo Ren, barefoot in his trousers and a gray sleeveless shirt that clung to his form. He didn’t see Hux, as he was doing pushups, and it was probably a good thing, too. Hux was staring at his arms, watching the muscles tense up and trying to count the freckles dusted over his shoulders. After an inappropriate amount of time, Hux finally managed to snap himself out of it and left the training room. He did not get any more work done that night. It was a strange occurrence for Hux, for he had never let even the ghost of an emotion get in the way of his work.

 

Thinking back, Hux was mortified at the fact that Ren may not have seen him, but it was easy enough for a Force-user to feel someone else’s presence. Despite the whole thing happening years ago, Hux’s embarrassment felt fresh.

 

He blew out a frustrated breath and finished his whiskey, turning his attention back to his inebriated companion.

 

“…and did I ever tell you about the time that he asked me what your _‘deal’_ was?” Phasma put the word in air quotes.

 

That caught Hux’s attention. “What? No, you didn’t. What did he mean by that?”

 

Phasma shrugged. “I guess he knew how much you disliked having him around. I mean, doesn’t everyone?” It was a joke but it held some truth and, weirdly, it stung a little. “And one day he decided to ask me why you were so repelled by him and you should have _seen_ me, Armitage, I was so professional. I told him that perhaps he should show our general some respect and it would pay off.” Phasma looked pleased with herself as she took another drink.

 

Hux’s brows were knitted together as he thought over what Phasma had told him. It was weird that Ren was so obsessed with finding the reason behind the general’s distaste toward him. It reminded Hux of the time Ren just said outright that he knew why he hated him. Thinking about it made Hux feel an odd pang of guilt in his gut, but he pushed it away. “And what did he say?”

 

Phasma stared out over her glass, her prideful glow now gone. “He called me a nerf herder and walked away.”

 

At that, Hux was the one to laugh out loud. He laughed and laughed until he felt a foreign clenching of his chest. It was silly, but he felt like he could see into the back of his head. He was about to freak out about it when a dark figure appeared beside him.

 

“Oh, good evening, Ren!” Phasma greeted him all too enthusiastically, her expression by some means saying everything she and Hux had been talking about. She wiggled her eyebrows at Hux and he really wanted to kill her in that moment.

 

“Hello, Captain Phasma,” he looked down at Hux, one corner of his mouth turning up. “General. I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for our meeting.”

 

Phasma’s mouth gaped as she looked between the two. “Armitage!” She breathed, unable to conceal her smile nor her drunkenness. “You didn’t tell me you had a _meeting_ tonight?”

 

He really, _really_ wished he could kill her. Thankfully, Ren seemed clueless. “That’s because it’s unimportant. Just some strategies I’d like to go over with Ren. No big deal.” Hux spoke through gritted teeth but Phasma was not intimidated in the least.

 

“Oh…” Phasma responded, a shit-eating grin on her lips as she brought her drink to them.

 

At that, Ren eyed the empty glass beside Hux and extended his hand, offering it to him. Hux took it and stood without paying Phasma’s widened eyes any mind. When the pair began to walk away, Hux let Ren move ahead of him while he turned and flipped Phasma off. He watched her choke on her drink as she laughed.

 

As Hux fell into step beside Ren, he noticed a certain energy. Not necessarily between them but, rather, emanating from Kylo himself. He tried not to think about it too much as he knew Ren would pick up on it, but the vibe was definitely not a pleasant one. Strangely, it made Hux feel uneasy, as if being in the presence of a snake, unsure of when he would strike, if at all.

 

Silently, Kylo pressed his code into the pad next to his quarters. The door slid open and he entered with Hux following suit. The lights flickered on, just a weak glow but it illuminated the knight’s disorderly suite. Hux stood with his hands clasped behind his back and tried not to make obvious the fact that he was eyeing the mess. Ren stalked into another room without a single word to Hux. The general didn’t dwell on the knight’s odd disposition as he seated himself. Ren’s quarters were unusually cold, making a shiver run up his spine. 

 

Ren returned a moment later and sat himself across from Hux, legs crossed as they had been the previous night. For the first time that day, Hux actually got a good look at Ren’s face, and it wasn’t a welcoming sight.

 

“Shit, have you _slept_?” Hux asked in genuine concern; the man’s face was pale, a dark bruise marring his temple with dark circles all around his eyes.

 

Ren’s face twitched at that but he quickly went back to being expressionless. It was unsettling. “Not recently,” Ren admitted after swallowing.

 

Hux studied him as he turned away from his gaze. “What’s that bruise from?”

 

Ren turned back to him, raising his fingers to ghost over his discolored temple without meaning to. “That’s not any concern of yours. Now, what did Snoke say to you when you met with him? It went well, didn’t it?” 

 

Hux wasn’t willing to let the subject go. Not when the air surrounding Ren was so stiff. “He said your heart is strange. But, tell me,” Hux shifted in his seat, moving closer to Ren, “did he do that to you?”

 

Ren seemed to back away from Hux, just a bit as his lips twisted in anger. “I said it wasn’t any concern of yours.” Ren’s tone was dark and low, a sharp contrast to how he normally spoke to the general.

 

After a long stretch of silence, the younger man suddenly shot up from his seat, wiping a hand over his face. Hux watched him carefully as he mumbled something to himself, pacing before the window with his hands curled into tight fists at his sides.

 

Though Hux was wary of what Ren might do next, he still picked up on the stinging energy rolling off of him. Hux didn’t know what he could do to help the man who was clearly distressed, but he found himself rising up from his seat and moving with caution toward Ren. He stood behind the knight and watched his shoulders rise and fall with deep, uneasy breaths. Unthinking, Hux placed his hand on his shoulder. Ren tensed but allowed himself to be turned around. 

 

Hux was overwhelmed and almost fell over from the dizzying sensation of touching Ren. It was like being hit by an invisible wave; the mere force of it was nearly too much, but Hux didn’t shy away. Ren’s pain was clear, and it was certainly not pure physical pain, either. Hux could tell by the way his own gut twisted into knots when touching the knight, by the way his heart clenched and his temples throbbed. Hux was, at that point in his “training”, not skilled enough (or at all) to possibly see through such… _torment_ , in order to find the source of pain.

 

But, for some reason, he was pretty positive it had something to do with that _wretched_ Snoke. Hux’s lip twitched at the thought. 

 

Trying not to look into Ren’s exhausted eyes, Hux raised his hand timidly to the man’s head and let his fingertips rest on his temple. Ren didn’t protest, but he did scan over Hux’s face with a question in his eyes. Hux wasn’t looking. 

 

Admittedly, Hux was a bit disgusted with himself. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, only that he wished to know more about this enigma that was Ren’s suffering. He didn’t plan on trying to help Ren, for he didn’t know how, but now, touching his temple and feeling the pain more intensely, he couldn’t allow himself to leave the poor soul without at least trying to help in some way.

 

“What can I do?” He asked quietly, cutting through the silence like a knife. He finally let himself look at Ren’s face and was surprised at what he saw; the man’s eyes were drooping as if he were ready to fall asleep, his breathing finally even. His face was peaceful, a stark contrast to how it had been in recent weeks and especially just moments before. 

 

He breathed his reply. “This is enough.”

 

Hux wasn’t even able to consider how odd the situation was because he was too busy on not passing out from the pain. It was the strangest thing, to feel another person’s emotions like this. It was like Ren’s unhappiness was being transferred to Hux, yet he knew, somewhere inside himself, that that was not the case. Likely able to tell Hux wasn’t strong enough for this yet, Kylo took his hand and guided it back down to his side. Hux could’ve cried at how good it felt, the lack of pressure on his brain and the sudden disappearance of nausea the moment he let go. Kylo smiled lightly.

 

“I think we should skip the lesson tonight. You need to sleep.”

 

Kylo nodded in agreement, already leading Hux to the door. It opened and he exited.

 

“‘M sorry for scaring you,” Kylo said quietly before Hux was gone, his eyes on the floor.

 

Hux turned back to face him. “You didn’t scare me.”

 

The dull throb in Hux’s head lingered for a while, but eventually, it subsided and then disappeared. As pain always does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for GARBAGE CONTENT nothing makes SENSE


	6. Don't Hide

Kylo was kneeling, willing his body to remain still, forcing every thought and feeling from himself, pushing them away like they weren’t breakable. His eyes, his dull eyes turned up to watch his master, the old man’s bony white fingers curling. He was saying something, or, rather, he was snarling some incoherent words. Kylo heard not a thing.

 

All he could focus on was the pain as he tried not to pass out from it. His skull felt as though it was going to shatter into a million pieces, his brain pulsed as if ready to burst. He felt like his body was going to be split in two, like his poor mind was to be ripped from its home and stuffed into some machine, Snoke’s machine, which was built without the same fatal flaw as his apprentice: emotion.

 

It was a peculiar situation; Kylo was acutely aware of the Darkness, and it terrified him. He had never been terrified of it before, only comforted. But now he felt like a pristine vessel which was suddenly plunged into never ending darkness and splattered with blood. Yes, he felt the Dark Side and he, for a fleeting, horrible moment, hated it.

 

“...thinking you can hide from me. Foolish child.” Snoke seemed to finish his rant, his grip on Kylo’s mind loosening. Kylo wanted to cry out in relief as the pain, the _pressure_ , slowly receded though not completely. Although he knew Snoke would sense his thoughts and emotions from galaxies away, he was thankful that his mask hid his face, for it was a tiny victory to hide himself in times of his weakness.

 

Kylo breathed deeply but said nothing. Snoke’s enlarged figure was glaring down at him.

 

“I know your roots, Kylo Ren. I know where the seed was planted. But the branches will _not_ continue to grow over that poisoned soil. And the fruit of your power, your bloodline, will feed the First Order.”

 

Bloodline. Oh, _no_.

 

Mentioning his family was never a good idea. It offended him as if Snoke had just spit in his face. It plunged him into memories good, bad, and insignificant. It made him feel like a child again. The lost, lonely, drifting child he used to be. It was all too much to think about. So he didn’t, at least not often.

 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader,” Kylo forced it out as steadily as it would come. Snoke’s haunting blueish figure disappeared. As soon as he was alone in the chambers, Kylo stood on shaky legs. He stumbled out and into the corridor and, scanning the area for a brief moment, heaved a breath when he saw no one around.

 

His temples throbbed painfully and the back of his skull felt like it was split open for examination and left for anyone to peer into. He was dizzy and his breathing was irregular, but that didn’t stop him from heading toward the training rooms. Broken as he might be, he was still filled with rage and hatred that burned so bright it blinded him.

 

In some distant part of his mind he knew this hatred was for Snoke. It was almost as strong as his hatred for Skywalker. Kylo quickly cut that train of thought off, not wanting to deal with those feelings now. Or ever. What was of the utmost importance was the matter of Kylo’s disobedience and disloyalty. He was already gone, separated from the Order in spirit, and he was trying to hasten the separation of himself from Snoke. Yet that part was far more intricate and dangerous. How does one shut off a voice in one’s head? How does one ignore intrusive thoughts?

 

Snoke has always been a venomous snake inside Kylo’s mind; slinking around, hissing when Kylo did something wrong, whispering ideas into his brain, spreading poisonous thoughts. When he was a child, Snoke convinced him that no one cared about him, no one loved him. No one except for Snoke himself. And he would make Kylo do things he didn’t want to under the promise that, once Kylo finished the job, he would be one step closer to being with his only friend in the galaxy. He stuck false notions into Kylo’s head about his family, his abilities, and himself. He created illusions. And Kylo was too young, too naive to realize it was all a trick. That’s how he got him.

 

But Kylo was not a child anymore. He hated Snoke. The voices he used to have in his head, the voices that would temporarily cast Snoke out were back again. He couldn’t hear them as clearly as he used to; they were just murmurs in the traffic of his mind. But he picked up on the feelings they conveyed, which were of hope and of an idea that told him to _go._

 

So he would go. He didn’t know exactly when but he felt that it was at least soon, that something big was on the horizon. The question of _how_ he would get away was far more important, and even less clear. That’s where the “hope” came in. He would just have to be patient and wait for an opportunity to present itself. The only problem with that plan is the fact of Kylo being the most impatient being in the galaxy.

 

Kylo locked those thoughts away for the time being and entered the training area. The area was empty apart from Captain Phasma who wasn’t clad in her usual chrome armor. She was off duty, as was a significant portion of the ship’s personnel. It seemed almost vacant.

 

Captain Phasma didn’t notice him as she went through movements with her staff, so Kylo removed his helmet, cape, and boots. He started stretching, sighing in relief as the tension eased from his body. He took hold of his lightsaber, ignited it, and slowly went through a series of movements, carefully so as to not aggravate his already pounding head. He closed his eyes and focused solely on what his body was doing, shutting everything else off. It was a form of meditation for Kylo and it was just what he needed.

 

Some time later (he had no way of knowing how much time had passed) he was gradually brought out of his relaxed state, as if from a dream he was lifted.

 

“Uh, hello? Sir?” It was Captain Phasma’s voice, and it was right beside him. He turned and regarded her.

 

“Captain,” he nodded. “Something I can do for you?”

 

There was a flicker of something in her eyes, too quick for an untrained eye to pick up on. Kylo of course caught it.

 

_Unease. Distrust. Contempt?_

 

“No, nothing in particular, anyway,” Phasma responded easily but her body language betrayed her. “I just wanted to know how things are.”

 

As a member of the First Order, Kylo respected Captain Phasma and knew that she was exceptional at what she did. However, in the realm of camaraderie, he felt suspicion and an overall sense of distrust when it came to her. Just like everyone he met, human and droid alike, he had done his research on Captain Phasma. She was not Force-sensitive, so probing her memory was easy enough. He had extracted quite disturbing information regarding her tendency to betray those who trust her, which has led him to be cautious when dealing with her, even on a professional level. Witnessing her apparent friendship with the general had tormented Kylo for years, for reasons that were previously unknown to him. He also knew that the two of them shared a certain secret which was the glue of their “friendship.” He knew this secret of course (only after extensive research and incredibly careful probing, that is), but it somehow unnerved him even more.

 

In short, he didn’t like Captain Phasma.

 

His face was blank as he responded. “Things?” He almost scoffed but managed to not piss the captain off. “ _Things_ are just fine, Captain. Why do you ask?”

 

She smiled but it was menacing. “Perhaps I should have been more direct. How are things with General Hux? I’ve noticed you two have become quite close.”

 

Kylo realized he was clenching his jaw. “Close? Captain, you and the general are far more familiar with each other than he and I are. Things are just fine between us. Not that it’s any concern of yours.” He fixed her with a hard glare, not hostile but determined.

 

Her face gave little away. “Well, forgive me for caring about who my friend devotes his attention to.”

 

This time he actually did scoff. “Yes, I’ve heard about how much you _care_ about your friends,” he took a minuscule step closer, his voice low. “Don’t kid yourself, caring is not in your nature, Captain. You’re not programmed to understand it, let alone experience it.”

 

Kylo felt the rage wash over him in waves. He was hyperaware of his still crackling saber in his clenched hand and he could see the anger pouring from Captain Phasma.

 

She glared at him but stood her ground. “Maybe that’s true, Sir. Is it also true that the Supreme Leader hasn’t permitted you to have any sort of attachments? I assume that means no relationships of any kind for you. Pity. Good thing the general doesn’t actually care for you. I bet it’s easier this way, yeah?”

 

He examined her sadistic grin; aiming to hurt. Interesting.

 

Truthfully, her words were extremely hurtful. They were everything Kylo feared hearing. But the fact that her intention was to offend him actually worked in the opposite way.

 

He laughed. “Captain, it doesn’t matter to me whether the general cares about me or not. Caring is for children. What matters is that he and I work well together, and we do. And as for the Supreme Leader, which is another subject above your intelligence, something he definitely permits me to do is demote those that are below me in rank, which is just about everyone, yourself included. With that being said,” he took a last step into her personal space and spit venom. “Watch your fucking step.”

 

For a few long, tense moments, the only sound was the crackling of Kylo’s saber. He _could_ assess Captain Phasma’s emotional state, but frankly he didn’t give a shit.

 

Suddenly, she regained her composure and smiled so brightly that anyone else would be fooled. “I’ll make sure not to overstep boundaries again, Sir. But do be careful moving forward with the general. He’s a tricky one.” She narrowed her eyes, turned on her heel, and exited.

 

Kylo didn’t waste time reflecting on the exchange. He got back to what he was doing, throwing away all other thoughts and feelings.

 

But a while later, he sensed someone else standing behind him. This person’s presence gave him a warm, bright feeling, quietly pulling him from his attentive training.

 

“Do you sleep?” Came his soft voice from a distance.

 

He smiled and turned, retracting his lightsaber. “Every now and then.”

 

Hux frowned at him, then blew into the steaming black cup he held. He moved leisurely toward Kylo. “I think you’re lying. Actually, I know you’re lying. I’ve been practicing on my own, are you proud?” He raised his brows, taking a sip of his beverage.

 

For some reason, Kylo was embarrassed. He pretended to be distracted by something on his glove, keeping his eyes trained downward. “Sure I am,” came out much quieter than he intended.

 

Hux’s grin faded but didn’t disappear. “Are you alright? You seem…upset. Have I upset you?”

 

Kylo drew in a shuddering breath and met Hux’s eye. Hux’s eyes were too sincere, though, and Kylo tried not to tremble under their intensity. He shook his head and looked down again. “Of course not. I’m just-“

 

“Tired. Exhausted, yes, doesn’t take a Force-sensitive to see that, no offense.”

 

Kylo thought he ought to feel a bit offended at that, but he giggled. He felt drunk suddenly, filled with giddiness that made him feel like he was floating. It was the exhaustion really setting in, he decided. A brave glance at Hux told him he looked crazy, but Hux was amused nonetheless.

 

“Well, you certainly make me feel like I’m funny. Perhaps I should keep your sleep-deprived arse close,” Hux joked, earning more laughter from Kylo. He wanted to stop himself from laughing but he couldn’t.

 

“Yeah,” Kylo said, head still turned toward the floor. “Perhaps.”

 

Kylo could feel Hux studying his face, but he didn’t try to read his mind. It probably didn’t occur to him to do so. Or maybe he didn’t care to know what he was thinking. Why would he, anyway? Kylo was nothing more than a temporary ally to Hux. He should stop getting so hung up on what Hux thinks about him, what he _feels_. What could he possibly feel for Kylo other than indifference? Though, he does admit with great shame that he would prefer Hux to hate him than for Hux to feel nothing for him. ’ _You’re so stupid_ ,’ he thought, angry with himself for an infinite number of reasons.

 

“Ren?” Hux’s soft voice broke him out of his dangerous thoughts.

 

Kylo glanced up at him and said nothing. He felt Hux’s eyes on his back when he turned and walked over to get his clothing. He sat on the floor as he pulled his boots back on, suddenly feeling anxious and insecure despite the fact that Hux had given him no reason to be. It was all in his head. He heard Hux come closer, listening to the sound his boots made on the shiny floor. Kylo’s heart rate increased as he felt Hux crouch down beside him, so close he could smell what he was drinking: tea. Kylo kept his eyes glued to his boots.

 

“Kylo.”

 

He looked at Hux then, heart jumping in his chest. Hux was smiling softly. “Hm?” Kylo wanted to slap himself; did he forget how to speak? He looked away again.

 

But Hux was not having that. He reached for Kylo’s face with an ungloved hand, taking a hold of his chin and gently turning his head toward himself. His hand was warm, probably from the tea. Kylo could do nothing but feel weak with Hux gripping him and looking right into his eyes; he felt exposed.

 

“Such a difference between the man in the mask who lives to tease me, and this man that’s too shy to look me in the eye,” Hux observed, no malice in his voice. “Why so reserved?”

 

Kylo wanted to respond, but his voice wouldn’t work. All that came out was an embarrassing squeak which, in addition to Hux’s scrutiny, made his ears burn.

 

It didn’t help that Hux was still holding his chin in his hand, not letting him look away. Nor did it help that all Kylo heard in his head was a constant stream of _beautiful, beautiful, beautiful_. He wasn’t sure if it was his own thoughts or Hux’s, and the possibility excited and terrified him.

 

“Well,” Hux sighed, at last letting Kylo go. He stood. “If you’re not in the mood to talk, that’s fine. I was going to invite you to my quarters but I can see you’re not feeling very sociable.”

 

Hux turned to go but Kylo finally found his voice. “Wait,” he said as he scrambled to his feet. “I, uh. I am. In a sociable mood, I mean.”

 

Hux cocked his head to the side. “Excellent. Come on, then.”

 

Kylo put his cape back on and grabbed his helmet, joining Hux.

 

He felt so different around Hux for some reason. Maybe it had something to do with his conversation with Captain Phasma, about _relationships_ and _caring_. Strangely, it was like she told him truths he was ignoring, like she sent him down a mental and emotional path he wanted to avoid.

 

He found himself inside Hux’s quarters for the first time, and he was surprised at how beautifully the general’s living space was decorated. Hux was reflected perfectly in the way that everything was clean lines, everything was in its place, everything was pretty yet functional. But Kylo was intrigued by the touches of silver in the sitting room, and especially by the ice blue sofa he was being invited to sit on.

 

“I’ll take these,” Hux offered, taking Kylo’s helmet from his hands, placing his other hand on his shoulder. “May I have your cape?”

 

Kylo ignored the pale hand that was touching him and took his cape off, letting Hux take it away into another room. He removed his gloves and sat carefully on the sofa, feeling as though he was too big for this room, too much, like he didn’t belong. Hux returned before he could become too overwhelmed by his thoughts.

 

“Do you have a lesson planned?” Hux asked as he took the seat across from Kylo.

 

Kylo noticed that Hux’s belt had been removed, his boots replaced with a pair of slippers, and he was undoing his collar. Kylo ripped his eyes from Hux’s hands near his throat. “No, but I can make one up easily enough.”

 

A smile flashed across Hux’s face.

 

“General,” Kylo voiced, looking down. “Can I ask you something first?”

 

Hux was sitting comfortably in his chair now, his legs crossed, his hands folded in his lap. His expression was questioning but he nodded. “You may.”

 

“How do you feel?” Kylo gathered the courage to look at Hux; this was purely professional, after all. Wasn’t it?

 

Hux looked surprised. “How do I _feel_?”

 

“Yes,” Kylo insisted. “Have you noticed any shift within yourself since your first lesson?”

 

Hux looked more surprised. “Oh,” he breathed, smiling. Kylo couldn’t read his face, but if he had to guess, he’d say he looked relieved. “Since you ask, yes, actually. I mean, it’s not a huge difference and I’m not even sure if it has anything to do with-“ Hux narrowed his eyes, searching. “With the Force.”

 

Kylo resisted just reading his mind for answers. “Can you explain what you mean?”

 

Hux gave him a look. “Well, I suppose I’m able to turn my mind off every now and then.”

 

“You weren’t able to do that before?”

 

Hux winced, the expression so small it was almost missed. “No. I could never get my brain to shut up, but now I can, I guess.” He leaned forward in his chair as if they were discussing top secret information. “And sometimes it’s like I have thoughts that aren’t entirely mine, or sensations that don’t belong to me. It makes me feel like I’m going mad.”

 

Kylo chuckled. “Well, don’t worry. You’re not going mad. At least, that’s not what’s making you crazy.” He chanced a glance at Hux.

 

Hux stared at him for a moment before grinning. “Ah, there you are. I was beginning to miss your poor sense of humor.”

 

Kylo wrung his hands together, trying not to smile too hugely, his ears burning again. At the same time, Hux reached for his own ear, touching it tentatively. He held his earlobe between two fingers for a moment, seemingly unbothered, then he let his hand fall over the arm of the chair. The action was so natural-looking, but Kylo found it strange.

 

He found his voice and decided to ignore what just happened between them. “Anyway, that’s just you tuning into those around you without realizing it. Sometimes it can be hard to ignore all the chatter, but you’ll get better at it. Be careful not to let your mind spill out everywhere. You never know who might be listening in.”

 

Hux nodded slowly at his words, observing him. “You once told me my thoughts were always ‘ _there_.’ That you couldn’t ignore them. What did you mean by that?”

 

Kylo looked away, feeling as though he had overstepped some boundary by admiring Hux’s face for so long. He cleared his throat and shrugged. “You think loudly.”

 

“I do?” Hux perked up a bit. “Then why, between you and Leader Snoke, are you the only one who thinks so?”

 

Kylo’s heart stopped altogether. He searched wildly for an explanation; he didn’t even know the truth. “I-I don’t know.”

 

Apparently Hux wasn’t trying to be sadistic, his question just had that appearance due to Kylo’s own interpretation of it. Hux hummed. “How strange. Do you know what I’m thinking right now?”

 

“You’re thinking about having a cigarette,” Kylo answered without hesitation.

 

Hux smiled and reached for the table beside him, retrieving a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He pulled one from the pack and placed it between his pink lips. “Impressive.”

 

Again, the compliment made Kylo’s ears feel hot, and again Hux touched his own ear as if he could feel the same thing. Hux lit the cigarette and took a long drag. Immediately, Kylo felt his lungs fill with smoke, his mouth tasted bitter and sharp. He felt sick all of a sudden, dizzy, and the burn in his lungs made him cough. He held his head in his hands, groaning at the nausea he was experiencing.

 

“Are you alright? You look pale,” Hux asked, concerned.

 

“‘M fine,” Kylo nodded, breathing deeply. The nausea and dizziness receded. He felt calmer.

 

Hux eyed him curiously, but he continued to smoke and Kylo tried to quickly become accustomed to the feeling. He also tried not to panic at what was clear: somehow, he and Hux had been bonded through the Force.

 

“Okay then, what’s the lesson?” Hux looked eager to get started.

 

Kylo thought quickly, letting his mind fall on something random.

 

“Telekinesis,” Kylo declared. “Have you ever wanted to lift something using only your mind?”

 

“I haven’t really considered that a possibility until now,” Hux answered honestly.

 

Feeling brave, Kylo said, “May I ask a personal question?”

 

“Since you asked so nicely, sure.”

 

Kylo took a breath. “When you were younger, did you ever know you were different? I mean, did you know you were Force-sensitive?”

 

Hux frowned. “I may have, but I’m sure it’s no surprise that the environment I was raised in discouraged anything to do with mysticism.” It was Hux’s turn to keep his eyes fixed on the ground. “There were moments I recall feeling…something, I don’t know how to explain it. Something that was bigger than me but which lived inside me at the same time. But that thought frightened me so I hid it. I didn’t need to feel any smaller than I already did. Nor did my peers need another reason to dislike me.”

 

Kylo could see in vivid color Hux as a scrawny, rosy-cheeked child, frightened by everything and everyone yet cruel enough to protect himself from it all. Lost where he was but connected to something which might have given him hope, if anyone had bothered to help him understand his power instead of teach him to loathe it, to fear it in addition to everything else. Kylo was saddened by the thought of a child never knowing what it felt like to be safe. He felt Hux’s fear as a child as if it had been his own.

 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Kylo said. “You didn’t deserve that.”

 

Hux looked at him for a moment. “Well, what does it matter anyway?” His face broke into a mischievous grin. “They’re all either dead or below me.” He took a drag, looking smug.

 

Kylo couldn’t help but laugh. “How lovely.”

 

Hux blew the smoke in Kylo’s direction and winked at him, still grinning.

 

This time, his blush reached his face. He cleared his throat once Hux began to notice how he had affected him. “Shall we begin?”

 

“Of course,” Hux agreed as he sat up in his seat.

 

Kylo reached out and Hux’s pack of cigarettes came to him through the air. He placed them on the arm of the sofa. “You’re going to lift this off the arm of the sofa.”

 

“What if I don’t?” Hux challenged, an infuriating smirk on his full lips.

 

Kylo narrowed his eyes and watched Hux’s bewildered expression as his cigarette flew out of his mouth and into Kylo’s fingers. “If you don’t, you don’t get your cigarettes back.”

 

This idea seemed to genuinely scare Hux, his eyes widening in horror. Kylo smiled sweetly at him. “Now, if you’re done with your sass, we’ll continue. Do you have any more remarks you’d like to add?”

 

Kylo could feel that he did, in fact. But Hux just glared at him. “I don’t, _Master_.”

 

Hux meant to irritate, or maybe he didn’t. Either way, his use of the word made Kylo feel… _good_. He didn’t know why but he knew that he liked it. And judging by the signals he was receiving, Hux knew it, too.

 

“Good,” his voice was hoarse so he cleared his throat. “Now, focus only on the energy around you. Use it to your advantage. Clear your mind of everything but your objective. And be patient.”

 

Hux kept his eyes trained on the cigarettes, and Kylo could feel his focus sharpening to a point. He watched the package: it wiggled slightly but didn’t totally rise. Hux huffed in frustration.

 

“Don’t get upset with yourself,” he reassured Hux. “You have no practice with this, of course you’re not going to perfect it on your first go. Keep in mind that using the Force is more like influencing energy to bend to your will rather than demanding it to.”

 

Hux seemed satisfied with that explanation. He refocused his effort. The package trembled, and then it rose. Kylo tried to suppress his smile.

 

The package moved slowly through the air between them, and Hux grinned wildly when it landed in his open hand.

 

“Nice job,” Kylo commended him. “Are you ready for something bigger?”

 

Hux broke his gaze away from the package to look at Kylo. Suddenly, he stood and stalked over to the sofa, easing himself down right next to Kylo. Kylo’s breathing became shallow.

 

“Perhaps I should try lifting you,” Hux suggested, smiling evilly.

 

Kylo barked a laugh, an embarrassing sound in his mind. His smile was too wide; it made his eyes nearly close and showed off his teeth. He bit his lip and covered his mouth with the hand that held Hux’s cigarette. Hux watched all this with curious eyes.

 

“Perhaps you should practice more before you try lifting living things,” Kylo laughed.

 

“Who said you’d be alive?” Hux asked, eyes wide and innocent.

 

Kylo laughed madly at that and again covered his mouth self-consciously.

 

Hux took hold of Kylo’s wrist and carefully moved his hand from his face. Kylo had no choice but to let him, unless he wanted to cause a scene, which would embarrass him further.

 

“Why do you hide yourself from me?” Hux asked softly. His body was turned toward Kylo, his fingers on his pulse in his wrist.

 

“What do you mean?” Kylo asked even as he looked downward.

 

Hux used his other hand to take Kylo’s chin for the second time that night and tipped his head upward to face him. “What I mean is, you don’t have to avoid looking at me, or hide your face from my eyes, or anything like that.” He smiled when Kylo met his eye. “In fact, I quite like your smile. I like knowing your face is capable of something other than a grimace.”

 

Unable to control himself, Kylo laughed, fully aware of his ridiculous smile and the awful noise he made. But Hux’s grip was firm on his wrist and on his chin, not letting him escape his gaze. To his bemusement, Hux did not look disgusted by his laugh, or his teeth, or his smile in general. Actually, he wore an expression of admiration. Or maybe Kylo was seeing things.

 

“I love your laugh,” Hux said, voice low. “Why don’t you like your laugh?”

 

“Because it’s ugly,” Kylo answered instantly.

 

Hux looked genuinely offended. He released Kylo’s chin but held his wrist still. “Who told you that?” Kylo opened his mouth to answer but Hux cut him off. “No matter. Whoever it was, they’re wrong and idiotic.”

 

Kylo was at a loss for words. He felt himself smiling but he didn’t try to hide it from Hux. He felt confident enough to maintain eye contact with him.

 

“I’ll be taking this back,” Hux said, turning Kylo’s palm toward his own face. Kylo watched, enraptured as Hux touched his lips to Kylo’s fingers, making his breath catch in his throat. Kylo liked how warm his lips were against his cold fingertips. Hux sealed his lips over his cigarette and took it from Kylo’s hand, swiftly slipping his hand into Kylo’s. He took one last drag before it was all ash, eyes boring into Kylo’s. “Thank you,” he breathed, smoke escaping with his words. He leaned over Kylo to drop the cigarette in the tiny glass ashtray on the table beside the sofa.

 

Hux moved to stand, tugging Kylo up with him. “I can tell you’re about to pass out.”

 

“I am,” Kylo was shocked that his voice was mostly steady.

 

Hux’s smile was gentle; he looked tired himself. “Then I won’t keep you any longer.”

 

He led Kylo to the door and then went to retrieve his cape and helmet. When he returned, Kylo put his things back on, finishing with his gloves. When he had one on, Hux grabbed his bare hand.

 

“Thank you,” he said, looking into the mask. “I always enjoy our time together.” To Kylo’s shock, Hux brought his hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

 

“Goodnight,” he responded, thankful for his mask’s voice modulator and for the fact that Hux couldn’t see the way his cheeks burned. He could probably feel it, anyway.

 

Hux opened the door for him and he went to his own quarters. Once he was in bed, he couldn’t fall asleep despite being exhausted. His body was too alive, on fire like he could still feel Hux touching him, kissing his hand and his fingertips. He pictured Hux’s hands, his long, elegant fingers, and his thin wrists. How his fingers held a cigarette, how they held Kylo’s chin, how they grasped his own hand.

 

Kylo felt a swirl of excitement in his gut, traveling into his groin and making him hard. Just this once, Kylo allowed himself to imagine things. He saw Hux, saw how his eyes looked when they were observing Kylo’s smile, saw how his lips curled, saw his beautiful hands. He reached into his pants, freeing his hardening cock from its confines. He gave himself a lazy stroke, imagining it was Hux’s hand wrapped around him, the picture making him harder, giving himself firmer strokes. He opened his mouth in a silent moan and he gripped himself tighter, his other hand squeezing the pillow under his head. He imagined Hux’s hand speeding up, twisting and squeezing just a _bit_ near the head of his cock. He imagined it was Hux who stroked Kylo’s slit with his thumb, smearing pre-cum down his shaft, twisting his wrist, tugging Kylo’s cock harder and harder, as desperate to get him off as Kylo was to get off. It took only a few more pumps until Kylo came with a groan, tipping his head back into the pillow, his hand finding his hair and tugging.

 

He knew he should get up and clean himself off, but he was once again exhausted. ‘ _It can wait_ ,’ he thought just before he knocked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry a) that this was so short and rushed and b) that I abandoned this fic for months, it WON'T happen again!  
> thank you so much for reading! your comments mean the world to me!  
> what do you guys think about phasma?


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